June 21, 2021

Season 2 Ep.17 // Real Marriage, Real Family

Season 2 Ep.17 // Real Marriage, Real Family
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Season 2 Healthy Marriage Real Marriage Integrity

In this episode. We asked our 3 kids, Ranon, Ehzra and Amarys to join us for a real conversation with their perspective on our marriage. It shows us that kids don't need to have perfect parents, but parents that are authentic, genuine, and willing to work to have a good marriage.

When we work to have a good relationship with each other. That healthy, whole relationship means we can be better people for our children.

Thanks for listening. We appreciate you.

If you want us to discuss something for a podcast.

Let us know at amplifiedmarriage@gmail.com

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WEBVTT

00:00:05.349 --> 00:00:10.429
Welcome to season two, episode 17 of the amplified marriage podcast.

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This is a father's day episode.

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We brought on our children to get their perspective on our marriage.

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Welcometo another episode of amplified marriage.

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I'm Natalie

00:00:34.710 --> 00:00:35.429
I'm Bryan,

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I'm Amarys, I'm RanonI'm Ezra and I enjoy knives, guitars, and Walks on the beach.

00:00:44.110 --> 00:00:45.369
Well, as you've heard it.

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Thousands of times before whatever you're doing, wherever you are, grab a coffee, grab a snack, get comfy and cozy.

00:00:53.814 --> 00:00:55.615
We're so excited to have a chat with you today,

00:00:56.295 --> 00:01:06.888
as you can tell we have included our three children into the podcast today and it, because it's father's day and it's father's day, week, we're going to say it's father's day, week, every two weeks.

00:01:06.868 --> 00:01:07.596
We had a conversation.

00:01:07.596 --> 00:01:07.656
Yeah.

00:01:07.740 --> 00:01:09.421
Today actually during father's day.

00:01:09.721 --> 00:01:13.441
And we really want to just ask them some questions and some of it's gonna be raw.

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Some of it's going to be questions that I ask on the spot just about the things and who they are and the things that they do and who, and the things they love.

00:01:19.816 --> 00:01:21.105
So we want to start with Amaris.

00:01:21.585 --> 00:01:24.546
What is one thing that you, I just love doing

00:01:26.016 --> 00:01:26.555
everywhere.

00:01:26.555 --> 00:01:27.786
I go, I make friends.

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It's so true.

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We were at the skate park and just a little ways from an hour out of town.

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Amaris within 60 seconds, maybe two minutes had made a friend with the only girl her age and the whole place with people all around.

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And this is just kind of a thing that she does everywhere that she goes.

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And so this is a gift that she has.

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He's very much like me, that way, that there's someone there I can make friends with them.

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Yeah,

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that's right.

00:01:53.180 --> 00:01:54.230
She'll talk to anybody.

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And that's one of the things I admire about her.

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Absolutely.

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Because Natalie is not like that.

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Absolutely.

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And Rainin, he is my oldest.

00:02:02.662 --> 00:02:03.503
I enjoy driving.

00:02:04.793 --> 00:02:06.472
And he's only had his license for what?

00:02:06.923 --> 00:02:07.343
10 days?

00:02:07.373 --> 00:02:08.423
10, 10 days.

00:02:09.473 --> 00:02:15.923
And he is crushing it, driving the car, taking her hybrid around and so far, there's no dents, no scratches.

00:02:15.983 --> 00:02:19.133
Although the first time he was driving, he just won't rent us into it.

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Hey, we forgot about that day.

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We forget about that day that car's had a small either the second day of driving.

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I nailed it.

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That's right.

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And then from then on, it was just an upward, upward momentum.

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So my other son, hello?

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Hello, his name is Ezra.

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And what is something that you love?

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Well, I'm stupid extroverted, so I like being outside.

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I actually say a lot how much the house is present and I'm stuck in here

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and that's sometimes only if he's bitten inside for, he gets that from you.

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I think in my old age, I've learned to just chill Just be at home and not have to be out and about doing things.

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Right.

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And so as her hasn't quite mastered that yet.

00:03:01.782 --> 00:03:08.368
And so one of the, as it is father's day, one of the questions that we wanted to ask you guys, and maybe we'll just go around around the circle.

00:03:08.348 --> 00:03:14.681
But what is one thing why do you feel it's so important that you have a dad present.

00:03:17.106 --> 00:03:17.287
Well, you're

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talking to me, sorry.

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I feel like it's important to have a dad present in my life because of how caring and he doesn't push you whenever you don't want to do.

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Like, we went to a water park a few or a few years ago and there's this one really scary slide, whole valley of fear.

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It's like this whole drop and it's like that was scary.

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And so I like was trying to go on it.

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I'm just like, I'm scared, but I kind of want to do it and I wasn't doing it and I'm going to do it.

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But then I took it out because I'm too scared and my dad just accepted it.

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But it

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didn't push you to do something dangerous.

00:03:56.074 --> 00:03:57.664
Isn't that the year that I hurt my back.

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Yeah.

00:03:59.754 --> 00:04:05.245
The neck on that one in that exact ride that you didn't want to do, I need to go to chiropractor for like a month.

00:04:05.455 --> 00:04:05.754
Yep.

00:04:05.965 --> 00:04:06.414
That was the,

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I listened to her advice.

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I should have listened to Emory listening, listen to your kids.

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Well, you didn't want to go.

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I went

00:04:15.444 --> 00:04:17.095
anyway and been like, you know what?

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I think you're right.

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I shouldn't probably go either.

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I went on that ride like five

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times.

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I ended up going out a few times.

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Painful every time, but it was worth it.

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That's how I feel.

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And why do you feel it's important to have dead present?

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Well you get to learn life, life experiences and life skills that you don't get from a mother.

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And so like shaving.

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Keeping his cool when I almost destroyed the car.

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But he's there for you because God put him there for you.

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And he's like there to help you with your life skills.

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And he, he kind of pushes you almost right to like tell you or help you and shape you to become the man that you should be instead of the man that you don't want to be awesome.

00:05:01.762 --> 00:05:01.973
That was

00:05:01.973 --> 00:05:02.242
good.

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I really liked that.

00:05:03.983 --> 00:05:06.533
As, or why do you think it's so important to have a debt?

00:05:07.223 --> 00:05:08.423
Will it because your father

00:05:08.423 --> 00:05:09.413
is your role model?

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So the daughters have the mums to look up to and the mums to copy and the mums to do whatever.

00:05:15.343 --> 00:05:19.812
But the, the sons, if the dad isn't around, then where are they going to look up to you?

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They're going to find the closest guy.

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They know they're going to find the closest dad.

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And they're going to start looking up to that guy and that guy's going to be almost responsive for the child.

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So having the.

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It's important to shape your future.

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Right?

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I appreciate that.

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That's really, that was really good.

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Wow.

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It's

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enough to make a grown man cry

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obviously got one.

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Who's a bit of the funny bone in the family.

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So, and then I want to ask the same question to you guys.

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Why do you feel it's so important to have a mom present?

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Avila is important to have a mom present in your life because when like ever you make a bad event Right.

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Like, like when you go through different times in your life there, you can just talk to your mom and there'll be, they're just not accept it.

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They'll be there for you.

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Even if you chose a bad decision to do something wrong, they'll always accept.

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Even if he didn't.

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That's good.

00:06:17.870 --> 00:06:20.029
Brandon, why do you feel it's important to have a mom

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present?

00:06:20.720 --> 00:06:22.879
Well, a mom has a certain type of.

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The gentleness that you do not

00:06:26.064 --> 00:06:29.064
have, are you saying that I lack gentle,

00:06:30.024 --> 00:06:32.805
there might be softening that character.

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Did you talk back to me your personality type?

00:06:36.704 --> 00:06:37.935
Why do I sound like God of

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war,

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the personality type, it's very brunt and you're very truthful and right to the fact your mom, you know, takes your feelings into account and kind of tries to let you down easy or tries to like, let you know.

00:06:51.285 --> 00:06:56.894
And so having a mom means that she can teach you other things that maybe dad can't teach you like cleaning.

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That's fair.

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So here's a question then.

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Just, do you feel that just because I am, and you're not wrong, like part of my personality is that I move things forward and oftentimes I don't think about feelings and stuff.

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That actually all three of you have really challenged me to act.

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And mom poking you mean like lip, bro?

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What you just did was wrong.

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Like there's been times where I thought I was right, but I was completely wrong.

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Do you feel that mom has been a really good buffer to say to Tim, to dad being like, Hey, you're being a bit rough.

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You need to go apologize.

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There'll be softer in this.

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Yeah,

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I'd say that mom really does assist with that because you can visibly see that we are very frustrated with you.

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We sometimes do not voice our opinions as we should.

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So mom kind of pushes us

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another question then just on the side of just being open with this is the reason that you don't open up to me sometimes is because I'm just so direct and you're just like, I know what he's going to say.

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It's not going to be what I need to hear in the moment.

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And so I'm going to go to mom.

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Not always, sometimes it's just like, I really am not in a mood to talk to you because you're not in an understanding mood right now.

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You're in one money.

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You're like, I'm gonna keep going and I'm not going to stop type of moods.

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Okay.

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First

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of all, you're S what you're saying is you, you are a bit like credos.

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That's fair.

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That's fair.

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I'm a

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bit like.

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Yeah, I'm gonna take what he said, but he, he talks, he opens the mum more.

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I just feel like he's a bit more comfortable around.

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He's a bit more comfortable around mum.

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I don't know why, but like I opened it.

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I opened up to dad one because sometimes even though he is direct, that's what I need to hear is the honesty.

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And it's super

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funny because when you guys were younger, he was the exact opposite.

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You just want it to, as soon as I opened up, you just like, literally would turn into a puddle and rain and always rose up and he's like, let's go to war dad, me and you right now.

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And he did.

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And he always stood up to me.

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So he still does.

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He still does.

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And I don't think that's bad really, but you also now handle my directness differently than you did when you were younger.

00:09:06.315 --> 00:09:09.254
And maybe it's partially because I've, I've sought some of the edge off.

00:09:10.845 --> 00:09:13.335
I like how we see maybe like, that's probably not what happened at all, but

00:09:13.335 --> 00:09:14.174
thank you for bringing it up.

00:09:16.304 --> 00:09:18.284
I'm saying it's, it's a very likely possibility.

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That's a possibility.

00:09:19.394 --> 00:09:19.634
Okay.

00:09:19.634 --> 00:09:22.667
So then Ezra, why do you feel it's so important to have a mom present in your life?

00:09:23.447 --> 00:09:30.527
Because a mother shapes that side of your personality is the father shapes the figure, the mother shapes the personality.

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Wow.

00:09:31.817 --> 00:09:36.136
So what, what that means is that when you start to date someone.

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Oh Lord.

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Cause rain is the oldest.

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I won't bring up the

00:09:41.336 --> 00:09:42.057
name, but

00:09:44.006 --> 00:09:44.456
yeah,

00:09:46.197 --> 00:09:49.226
the site, everyone find out here crushes, I'm teasing you.

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I don't like anyone.

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So you suck.

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But the mother shapes the personality and the father shapes the figure.

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So in that moment, when you start to date, My philosophy is this that you can't take someone on a proper date.

00:10:05.211 --> 00:10:07.370
So drive them to dinner and pay for dinner.

00:10:07.760 --> 00:10:10.701
Then you're not, then you're not actually dating the person.

00:10:11.421 --> 00:10:14.325
And so a lot of these younger people are like, oh, I'm dating.

00:10:14.325 --> 00:10:15.674
This is my girlfriend.

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And this is my boyfriend.

00:10:16.695 --> 00:10:20.255
And it's just it's like you liking someone and someone liking you.

00:10:20.316 --> 00:10:20.645
Right.

00:10:21.485 --> 00:10:25.716
But the mother is important to that because she, she tells, she shows you how.

00:10:26.600 --> 00:10:27.591
Treat a lady.

00:10:27.890 --> 00:10:35.961
Well, the properly, because a lot of these people, if you think about it, they don't, they treat a woman like an object because they weren't raised properly.

00:10:36.051 --> 00:10:36.500
Wow.

00:10:36.770 --> 00:10:44.750
So, you know, you need to treat, your mother will show you how to treat a lady properly because she will show you the expectation element once.

00:10:45.260 --> 00:10:45.650
Wow.

00:10:45.941 --> 00:10:46.160
Wow.

00:10:46.850 --> 00:10:47.691
I don't even know how to respond.

00:10:47.691 --> 00:10:47.961
Now.

00:10:49.181 --> 00:10:50.441
Podcast done drop the mic.

00:10:51.850 --> 00:10:54.250
You guys just brought nine deep into, into this.

00:10:54.520 --> 00:10:55.081
Well that.

00:10:56.706 --> 00:11:01.056
I think that's insight from an 11, a 16 and a 14 year old.

00:11:01.166 --> 00:11:05.666
The importance of those figures in your life.

00:11:05.645 --> 00:11:12.788
I know today is father's day as we're recording this, but you're valuable men, right?

00:11:12.879 --> 00:11:18.609
We need strong men too, because you are that influence.

00:11:19.749 --> 00:11:38.009
Into the character of these children and whether or not you have children or you are a grandpa or you are an uncle you're influencing children around you, whether you, whether you realize it or not, and is so important for you to step into that and the confidence.

00:11:38.749 --> 00:11:39.109
Right?

00:11:39.318 --> 00:11:40.009
Absolutely.

00:11:40.308 --> 00:11:47.033
And it, because like, I have the ability and we've been married for now 20 years.

00:11:47.033 --> 00:11:58.500
We just had our anniversary a couple of weeks ago, but I've been present in their life from beginning to end and I've made it my mission to be able to, to keep my promises, to teach them as much as I can do.

00:11:58.500 --> 00:12:00.091
I fall short all the time, a hundred percent.

00:12:00.147 --> 00:12:01.035
I make mistakes.

00:12:01.066 --> 00:12:03.556
I have to apologize because I'm a jerk sometimes.

00:12:03.556 --> 00:12:07.936
Like, and I, because I am a strong personality, oftentimes I see my way.

00:12:07.966 --> 00:12:10.275
That's the only way when it's really not the only way.

00:12:10.546 --> 00:12:11.566
It was just the way in the moment.

00:12:11.855 --> 00:12:12.155
Right.

00:12:12.206 --> 00:12:19.176
I think being present of being physically present, but you can be very absent and still be physically present.

00:12:19.416 --> 00:12:19.566
Right.

00:12:19.566 --> 00:12:25.655
So I think making sure that moms and dads with your children are.

00:12:26.446 --> 00:12:30.975
Present in the moment, look like looking your children in the eyes.

00:12:31.245 --> 00:12:38.056
And I know with the hustle bustle of life, it can be really challenging to, to set whatever you're doing aside, right.

00:12:38.686 --> 00:12:39.645
To hear them out.

00:12:39.645 --> 00:12:40.005
But it's so

00:12:40.005 --> 00:12:40.546
important.

00:12:40.926 --> 00:12:47.885
Well, and so we've talked about the individual too, with you guys to say the mom being present of the dad being president.

00:12:47.916 --> 00:12:54.546
So how you see us being healthy in our relationship now, do you.

00:12:55.650 --> 00:13:00.630
And maybe reign in, you actually can think back more than the other two can, because you're the oldest.

00:13:00.630 --> 00:13:01.500
Do you think you remember?

00:13:01.610 --> 00:13:01.941
I have

00:13:01.941 --> 00:13:14.801
a couple of faint memories, but I do remember some moments where there is quite a few yelling matches at some points in, in like when I was in bed at night, I heard a lot of yelling sometimes, but.

00:13:15.586 --> 00:13:18.466
As I grew up in a year, I remember that yelling turned less and less and less.

00:13:18.466 --> 00:13:23.566
And obviously God turning dad and mom, obviously you always start with me bro.

00:13:23.836 --> 00:13:25.846
Courageous plus the green because you add,

00:13:27.525 --> 00:13:27.975
oh geez.

00:13:28.696 --> 00:13:30.046
We didn't tell them to say that,

00:13:31.655 --> 00:13:40.086
but that's, that's really good insight too, because as I, as I grew and matured and mum grew and matured, we, we definitely fought less because when you were born, it was, we are five years

00:13:40.086 --> 00:13:40.385
married.

00:13:40.775 --> 00:13:42.816
Do you remember Rainin?

00:13:42.846 --> 00:13:44.105
When we had come?

00:13:44.157 --> 00:13:46.886
For a holiday and we were in the Walmart parking lot.

00:13:47.726 --> 00:14:10.496
And I can't remember if Amaris was born yet or not, but yeah, we were just in a foul mood and you started crying in the back and as he was in his car seat, and then as I started crying, cause you were crying and I remember like yelling in the car, I just want to get through this dumb Walmart.

00:14:11.422 --> 00:14:17.121
So put on a hat without fighting, put on a happy face we're on holidays, then just be done.

00:14:17.121 --> 00:14:18.412
And then we could hear you crying.

00:14:18.412 --> 00:14:19.211
Do you remember that as

00:14:20.631 --> 00:14:23.272
really bad mood?

00:14:23.422 --> 00:14:23.782
Oh yeah,

00:14:23.782 --> 00:14:30.442
we were that's when you dead, like threw open the trunk and like the dog was back there that like through, but

00:14:30.532 --> 00:14:32.001
no, this that's a different time.

00:14:33.506 --> 00:14:33.746
Okay.

00:14:33.756 --> 00:14:33.996
So I

00:14:33.996 --> 00:14:35.226
remember I remembered

00:14:35.226 --> 00:14:35.917
the other rage.

00:14:37.177 --> 00:14:37.506
You were

00:14:37.517 --> 00:14:43.076
little faint for me, but I do remember a couple of memories of parking lot yelling matches.

00:14:43.437 --> 00:14:43.677
Yeah.

00:14:43.797 --> 00:14:49.751
And I remember as rose saying, I just want you guys to stop or sorry, ran in saying, I just want you guys to stop fighting.

00:14:50.261 --> 00:14:52.091
And we literally stopped in that moment.

00:14:52.932 --> 00:14:53.741
We prayed.

00:14:54.292 --> 00:14:54.892
Well, we didn't pray.

00:14:54.892 --> 00:14:55.131
Right.

00:14:55.131 --> 00:14:56.001
Then I think we

00:14:56.001 --> 00:14:56.572
prayed that.

00:14:56.902 --> 00:14:58.642
No, we prayed right then I remember we stopped.

00:14:58.642 --> 00:14:59.182
We prayed.

00:14:59.211 --> 00:15:06.532
And then we went into Walmart and the trip from that moment for change, because we also asked for forgiveness for just arguing, like, you mean you in

00:15:06.532 --> 00:15:06.861
the Walmart?

00:15:07.062 --> 00:15:08.172
Yeah, well

00:15:08.922 --> 00:15:14.442
not, I mean, we knew they were in the back, but we didn't really care that they were in the back.

00:15:14.442 --> 00:15:14.711
Right.

00:15:14.711 --> 00:15:21.011
I mean, there was part of something in my mind was like, well, they're never going to remember this anyways.

00:15:21.011 --> 00:15:21.341
Right.

00:15:21.341 --> 00:15:21.642
And then.

00:15:23.001 --> 00:15:30.292
His reaction to that to kind of snap us out of like, they are listening to everything that we are saying, right.

00:15:30.802 --> 00:15:33.412
And they're feeding off the energy that we're giving off.

00:15:34.251 --> 00:15:35.392
What are we doing?

00:15:35.572 --> 00:15:35.871
Right.

00:15:36.172 --> 00:15:38.902
This is, this is not how we can

00:15:38.902 --> 00:15:39.471
operate.

00:15:39.532 --> 00:15:39.772
Right.

00:15:40.402 --> 00:15:41.721
So here's, here's the next question.

00:15:43.866 --> 00:15:45.427
We've been married now for 20 years.

00:15:45.606 --> 00:15:48.456
You've seen us at our best, seen us at our worst.

00:15:48.576 --> 00:15:48.846
Yep.

00:15:49.027 --> 00:15:50.226
Mainly dad, mainly

00:15:50.226 --> 00:15:50.586
dad.

00:15:50.583 --> 00:15:52.203
I seen them in some pretty bad spots too.

00:15:53.283 --> 00:15:53.614
Right.

00:15:54.094 --> 00:16:01.094
So what's something you see in our marriage that you would like to take to your own relationship, your own marriage, starting with

00:16:01.094 --> 00:16:01.423
Amaris.

00:16:01.520 --> 00:16:09.510
You guys, you guys caring, I want to shake your thing because you guys are always so hearing.

00:16:10.441 --> 00:16:13.561
Well, if you guys get in a bad, bad argument, you always trick

00:16:15.870 --> 00:16:16.740
there's forgiveness.

00:16:17.010 --> 00:16:17.551
Yeah,

00:16:18.120 --> 00:16:19.110
that's true.

00:16:19.980 --> 00:16:20.191
Yeah.

00:16:20.931 --> 00:16:22.311
But that is caring too.

00:16:23.360 --> 00:16:27.740
Dad's wellbeing and his feelings.

00:16:27.801 --> 00:16:28.041
Right.

00:16:29.385 --> 00:16:29.686
Brandon.

00:16:29.716 --> 00:16:32.296
What's something that you see in our marriage that you want to take your own relationship?

00:16:32.360 --> 00:16:36.649
Well, in your current marriage, like not the, before I like, I'm

00:16:36.649 --> 00:16:38.570
like, ah, this is our only American I know, but

00:16:38.570 --> 00:16:42.559
like the, after I think I like your, his love for each other.

00:16:42.710 --> 00:16:45.289
I think that the way you guys.

00:16:46.049 --> 00:16:48.539
I somehow stayed together for 20 years.

00:16:49.649 --> 00:16:51.840
Somehow, probably God.

00:16:52.049 --> 00:16:52.289
Yeah.

00:16:53.490 --> 00:16:56.730
Like I would love to love someone that genuine.

00:16:57.029 --> 00:17:00.899
And I want to have that in a relationship with someone when I do get to that point.

00:17:01.549 --> 00:17:02.480
No comments as her.

00:17:02.840 --> 00:17:03.259
Wow.

00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:04.970
That's really good as her.

00:17:05.420 --> 00:17:09.019
What do you see that something in our marriage that you'd like to take to your own marriage?

00:17:09.230 --> 00:17:09.859
I have three.

00:17:10.579 --> 00:17:10.789
Oh,

00:17:12.410 --> 00:17:14.420
you always have just like overachiever.

00:17:14.450 --> 00:17:14.930
Okay, good.

00:17:16.444 --> 00:17:17.255
Why am I being hate?

00:17:17.255 --> 00:17:22.752
So I said this in the car, but your brutal honesty, because when you're in marriage, you need that.

00:17:23.113 --> 00:17:29.202
You need like, Hey, you need to stop this right now because I don't like what you're doing.

00:17:29.623 --> 00:17:34.512
And it it's like, this is really bad how you're handling this.

00:17:34.722 --> 00:17:35.022
Right.

00:17:35.262 --> 00:17:41.173
So the brutal honesty is very important for a marriage because if I ever have kids.

00:17:42.522 --> 00:17:54.182
I need that honesty to show them like how to had to like talk to people almost, you know what I mean?

00:17:55.442 --> 00:17:57.840
So the second one is your integrity.

00:17:58.740 --> 00:18:04.800
So the integrity is because he promise your wife that you, you want to like.

00:18:07.911 --> 00:18:11.601
Yeah, you promise your, your, your wife is like, Hey, do you want to, do you want to do this on Friday?

00:18:11.631 --> 00:18:12.141
You're like, okay.

00:18:12.141 --> 00:18:12.590
Yeah, sure.

00:18:12.770 --> 00:18:15.260
You make plans with your buddy to do shoot pool on Friday.

00:18:15.830 --> 00:18:26.163
You're going to take shots and shoot some pool, but then your wife is sitting at home, probably crying because you just left her to go have a good time.

00:18:26.163 --> 00:18:27.363
That'll last two hours.

00:18:28.893 --> 00:18:30.182
So the integrity is.

00:18:31.532 --> 00:18:33.752
You need to uphold your end of the marriage.

00:18:34.383 --> 00:18:34.893
Wow.

00:18:35.073 --> 00:18:35.462
Whoa.

00:18:36.813 --> 00:18:40.803
You guys are just, so you're saying that you see integrity.

00:18:40.893 --> 00:18:41.192
Yes.

00:18:41.222 --> 00:18:41.492
Yeah.

00:18:41.823 --> 00:18:43.383
And what's the third thing discipline

00:18:44.942 --> 00:18:46.262
and not the Spanky spank.

00:18:49.403 --> 00:18:50.103
That's a whole different

00:18:50.103 --> 00:18:52.143
podcast that was ended years ago.

00:18:55.653 --> 00:18:59.133
The famed corner corner hated that.

00:18:59.195 --> 00:19:03.155
One of my friends said this and it, like, I was like, wow, that's so true.

00:19:04.056 --> 00:19:06.816
Our parents punish us because they love us.

00:19:06.996 --> 00:19:07.266
Right.

00:19:08.435 --> 00:19:13.145
And they don't punish us because they're being mean, and they're, they're not punishing us because they don't like us.

00:19:13.415 --> 00:19:17.046
They're punishing us because they want us to veer off into the right track,

00:19:17.945 --> 00:19:20.165
to go in the right direction, to go in the right direction.

00:19:22.161 --> 00:19:22.520
No,

00:19:22.760 --> 00:19:25.820
no, that's that, that's the consequences for your choices.

00:19:26.411 --> 00:19:29.080
You can make those choices, but you have consequences along with it.

00:19:29.381 --> 00:19:32.740
So the discipline, again, we're going to veer off to the kids' side of things.

00:19:33.040 --> 00:19:39.461
The discipline is that I don't want my child to go off drinking and sneak out of the house and do drugs.

00:19:39.490 --> 00:19:39.790
Right.

00:19:40.151 --> 00:19:41.980
So that discipline is important.

00:19:42.881 --> 00:19:47.951
Like even now I see that why you're disciplining me is because you want me to.

00:19:48.635 --> 00:19:49.115
Be good.

00:19:49.296 --> 00:19:51.846
You want me to, you want me to go into the right direction, right?

00:19:51.905 --> 00:19:55.865
Pursue things that I love now I want to be pressured to do that's cool.

00:19:55.955 --> 00:19:56.226
Yup.

00:19:56.675 --> 00:19:57.066
Good word.

00:19:57.306 --> 00:20:06.205
I mean, maybe at the moment you may say things you may regret later on and apologize to your parents for that, even though they have no idea what you said, but you're still going to apologize for it because you feel

00:20:06.205 --> 00:20:06.566
wrong.

00:20:06.655 --> 00:20:07.076
That's right.

00:20:07.135 --> 00:20:08.665
I there's been lots of times.

00:20:08.732 --> 00:20:10.869
Brandon I've never said anything in the heat of that.

00:20:11.670 --> 00:20:11.849
I

00:20:11.849 --> 00:20:14.190
have said many things and I have regretted them.

00:20:14.190 --> 00:20:14.759
Sorry, dad.

00:20:17.400 --> 00:20:20.130
Generally I regret what I said around five minutes later.

00:20:20.130 --> 00:20:21.789
I'm like, oh, I never should have said that.

00:20:22.970 --> 00:20:24.170
Here's the story about rain.

00:20:24.170 --> 00:20:30.890
And actually this has been happening he's 16 years old ever since he could write, if he got into trouble.

00:20:32.940 --> 00:20:34.049
I'd send him to his room.

00:20:34.289 --> 00:20:35.609
Cause he literally would do something.

00:20:35.609 --> 00:20:40.230
He was he'd S like spit back, be mad and I have to discipline him.

00:20:40.230 --> 00:20:41.220
And then like 10 minutes later.

00:20:41.970 --> 00:20:44.009
I remember he had a remote control car.

00:20:44.670 --> 00:20:52.380
We'd sneak down the stairs and drop a note that he wrote on the car and then drive it to us as we're sitting in the living room with an apology.

00:20:52.380 --> 00:20:53.309
I'm so sorry.

00:20:53.400 --> 00:20:55.349
And then how am I supposed to discipline him now?

00:20:55.589 --> 00:20:58.380
Because he just sent the remote control car with your apology letter on it.

00:20:59.009 --> 00:21:02.549
And at 16 years old, he's still, he still feels that way.

00:21:03.259 --> 00:21:05.480
And you'll still write the letter and be like, Hey, I'm sorry.

00:21:05.480 --> 00:21:05.839
You're right.

00:21:05.869 --> 00:21:06.589
I was wrong.

00:21:06.950 --> 00:21:07.849
And I've always appreciated

00:21:07.849 --> 00:21:09.940
that about you words.

00:21:09.940 --> 00:21:10.990
Can't explain.

00:21:10.990 --> 00:21:15.670
So maybe let her form what's that it puts it on your pillow.

00:21:15.670 --> 00:21:21.099
Now he puts it under a pillow, pillow, laundry basket, and under the covers or wherever I can hide it

00:21:21.309 --> 00:21:22.390
and Amaris just sobs.

00:21:23.884 --> 00:21:24.464
That was loud

00:21:24.464 --> 00:21:24.734
as hell.

00:21:28.924 --> 00:21:29.884
Not true,

00:21:30.845 --> 00:21:31.684
not true.

00:21:31.865 --> 00:21:32.164
You're right.

00:21:32.164 --> 00:21:33.184
Even the dog in there with you.

00:21:35.125 --> 00:21:41.653
So here's, here's the next, the next question that I want to ask what is something that you see and this wasn't, we didn't really talk about this one.

00:21:42.792 --> 00:21:45.522
What's something that you see in our marriage that you just don't like, that you.

00:21:47.167 --> 00:21:50.617
That you just don't like, and you're never going to take with you your relationship or to

00:21:50.617 --> 00:21:53.468
the future inappropriate jokes is what I was just going to say.

00:21:53.647 --> 00:21:54.008
Okay.

00:21:54.008 --> 00:21:57.067
No, no that I can live with as, as disgusting.

00:21:57.067 --> 00:21:59.377
It is as if they're not even dirty jokes.

00:22:00.817 --> 00:22:03.817
The other two, they're fine with it, but yeah, I

00:22:04.228 --> 00:22:05.167
just get weirded out.

00:22:05.167 --> 00:22:05.708
It's hilarious.

00:22:05.708 --> 00:22:07.748
When I kiss moment public, you're like, oh,

00:22:07.758 --> 00:22:08.407
why

00:22:09.377 --> 00:22:09.617
stop?

00:22:10.087 --> 00:22:10.577
Stop.

00:22:12.728 --> 00:22:13.718
Why do you guys fight?

00:22:13.807 --> 00:22:17.708
I hate to see that because you have such a strong bond and relationship together.

00:22:18.157 --> 00:22:21.188
So I hate to see you butting heads over the smallest things.

00:22:21.248 --> 00:22:21.458
Yeah.

00:22:22.117 --> 00:22:24.758
And you guys are married for 20 years.

00:22:24.938 --> 00:22:25.807
You're 40.

00:22:26.347 --> 00:22:26.708
Wow.

00:22:26.917 --> 00:22:28.028
I'm older than that, but thank you.

00:22:31.228 --> 00:22:31.347
Oh,

00:22:32.238 --> 00:22:33.208
that's not good though.

00:22:33.807 --> 00:22:34.048
She's

00:22:34.048 --> 00:22:34.538
22.

00:22:34.907 --> 00:22:35.428
I'm in trouble.

00:22:36.597 --> 00:22:36.928
Mum's

00:22:36.928 --> 00:22:37.438
22.

00:22:38.637 --> 00:22:39.958
I believe you stole what I want.

00:22:40.798 --> 00:22:41.127
And.

00:22:42.692 --> 00:22:43.863
That, it just doesn't make sense.

00:22:43.863 --> 00:22:47.972
Like I wanted the plant over there, but I didn't want it over there.

00:22:47.972 --> 00:22:51.452
It's in front of my view for this thing, but I don't care where you want it.

00:22:51.482 --> 00:22:51.992
So like the

00:22:51.992 --> 00:22:53.403
bickering, the bickering and

00:22:53.762 --> 00:22:58.893
the constantly like, cause I've seen you, I'm going to this where the brutal honesty comes in.

00:22:59.282 --> 00:23:01.472
You pit, you put each other down sometimes.

00:23:02.073 --> 00:23:04.803
Oh, like, mum's like, Hey, can I do this?

00:23:04.923 --> 00:23:05.732
No, that's dumb.

00:23:05.883 --> 00:23:11.282
You've had you haven't said that, but like, ah, I see you sometimes during the day.

00:23:12.413 --> 00:23:15.083
Again, with the heat of the moment, put mother down.

00:23:15.292 --> 00:23:15.563
Yeah.

00:23:15.863 --> 00:23:17.002
I say mother and father a lot.

00:23:17.303 --> 00:23:22.492
You follow, you put mother down because you don't agree with her decision.

00:23:22.553 --> 00:23:23.843
Yeah, that's good.

00:23:24.173 --> 00:23:24.833
I can take that.

00:23:24.893 --> 00:23:25.613
That's not wrong.

00:23:26.633 --> 00:23:28.192
Or I encourage her backup.

00:23:28.853 --> 00:23:29.272
That's right.

00:23:29.482 --> 00:23:30.292
The encourager.

00:23:30.653 --> 00:23:31.192
Come on, mom.

00:23:32.153 --> 00:23:32.782
It goes both ways.

00:23:35.722 --> 00:23:37.553
I have a question I want to ask after for everyone, but

00:23:37.643 --> 00:23:37.972
go ahead.

00:23:37.984 --> 00:23:39.365
I'm basically the same as her.

00:23:39.365 --> 00:23:40.295
I hate seeing you guys.

00:23:41.194 --> 00:23:52.255
Like butting heads over the smallest things is in my opinion, quite ridiculous, but that will happen in marriage as nobody is perfect, but you're not wrong, but like, I like that you guys make up, but I hate seeing you guys.

00:23:53.005 --> 00:23:53.305
Right.

00:23:54.085 --> 00:23:54.535
That's good.

00:23:55.525 --> 00:23:55.884
So

00:23:55.978 --> 00:23:56.278
and

00:23:56.577 --> 00:23:56.968
cameras.

00:23:59.917 --> 00:24:03.038
Oh, only mum because I've never seen dad cry

00:24:05.198 --> 00:24:08.038
that has that feeling come out every so many

00:24:08.038 --> 00:24:08.847
years to

00:24:08.847 --> 00:24:10.827
manly load one time for 20,

00:24:11.188 --> 00:24:15.147
it's been seven to be specified mum

00:24:15.508 --> 00:24:15.928
cry.

00:24:17.458 --> 00:24:18.028
Cause it just

00:24:18.627 --> 00:24:19.438
breaks me down.

00:24:19.857 --> 00:24:21.057
Like you guys,

00:24:22.617 --> 00:24:25.647
you in

00:24:25.647 --> 00:24:27.238
that way, it's just.

00:24:28.657 --> 00:24:29.258
Stupid.

00:24:29.258 --> 00:24:35.678
And like, I don't want to see you guys crying a lot because I hurts.

00:24:38.038 --> 00:24:39.627
Hurt me more than you.

00:24:40.018 --> 00:24:41.097
This you guys cry.

00:24:41.758 --> 00:24:42.298
All right.

00:24:42.538 --> 00:24:42.958
That was good.

00:24:43.317 --> 00:24:44.847
Is that like crying in a movie

00:24:45.238 --> 00:24:46.798
or definitely not.

00:24:47.278 --> 00:24:47.968
He's not crying.

00:24:49.438 --> 00:24:51.268
He's not crying in the Dodo.

00:24:51.268 --> 00:24:51.807
Don't watch

00:24:52.798 --> 00:24:53.728
cry when something wrong.

00:24:53.998 --> 00:24:54.538
I see.

00:24:56.948 --> 00:25:02.018
Obviously at this point, you've seen that we're not perfect in our

00:25:02.018 --> 00:25:02.377
marriage.

00:25:04.198 --> 00:25:05.367
No surprise.

00:25:06.837 --> 00:25:07.317
Do you,

00:25:08.657 --> 00:25:16.446
do you find it, it, it helps you see that we resolve conflict and that this is actually something that we can overcome.

00:25:16.446 --> 00:25:21.007
Do you think us not being, having a perfect marriage is, is good, is not having a perfect marriage.

00:25:21.932 --> 00:25:23.011
Like, what's your thought on that?

00:25:23.011 --> 00:25:24.902
Like just, we're definitely not perfect

00:25:25.082 --> 00:25:25.682
if it's good.

00:25:25.682 --> 00:25:26.642
There's no variety.

00:25:27.451 --> 00:25:28.711
Ooh, that's good.

00:25:28.741 --> 00:25:28.981
Yeah.

00:25:29.872 --> 00:25:30.422
Perfect.

00:25:30.481 --> 00:25:32.912
Everything would be sunshine and daisies all day long.

00:25:33.362 --> 00:25:40.352
Or you would actually know how to resolve a fight if your parents may, or didn't actually like argue in front of you and they just made it seem like everything's okay.

00:25:40.997 --> 00:25:41.416
Right.

00:25:41.767 --> 00:25:43.277
And like made it seem like they're all perfect.

00:25:43.277 --> 00:25:57.497
Like you wouldn't actually be able to grow up and understand how to resolve these contradicts or resolve the, like an issue or apologize in person or letter, or do any of these things that your parents are there for to teach you if you were just perfect.

00:25:57.557 --> 00:25:57.826
No,

00:25:57.886 --> 00:25:58.336
that's good.

00:25:58.666 --> 00:25:59.086
That's good.

00:25:59.527 --> 00:26:00.007
Amaris.

00:26:00.787 --> 00:26:08.946
What do you feel that it's important for mom and dad to resolve conflicts in front of you?

00:26:10.652 --> 00:26:11.102
Conflict

00:26:11.102 --> 00:26:11.372
means

00:26:12.781 --> 00:26:14.852
arguments or disagreements.

00:26:14.852 --> 00:26:26.481
Do you think, do you think that it's important if we talk about our disagreements in front of you and then you can see how we walk through that process?

00:26:26.912 --> 00:26:27.152
It

00:26:27.154 --> 00:26:28.352
I'm not saying this to me.

00:26:30.047 --> 00:26:33.017
Oh cool.

00:26:33.396 --> 00:26:34.396
You guys like

00:26:35.287 --> 00:26:37.967
evolve into different David that came

00:26:37.967 --> 00:26:38.386
out wrong?

00:26:38.777 --> 00:26:39.946
No, I see what you're saying.

00:26:40.457 --> 00:26:43.343
Involvement in different stages of like argument.

00:26:44.123 --> 00:26:44.423
Right.

00:26:44.557 --> 00:26:46.718
But also it also kind of hurts me.

00:26:47.167 --> 00:26:48.008
This you guys are.

00:26:48.136 --> 00:26:50.176
What about affection?

00:26:50.836 --> 00:26:53.567
Do you feel that it's important that you guys see.

00:26:53.987 --> 00:26:58.000
Dad and mom holding each other and loving on each other.

00:26:58.210 --> 00:26:58.450
Yes.

00:26:59.170 --> 00:26:59.769
You think it's

00:26:59.769 --> 00:27:00.430
important?

00:27:01.079 --> 00:27:04.619
I think that if I didn't get my nightly hug for mom, I would probably die

00:27:09.930 --> 00:27:11.400
if I don't give my mum.

00:27:12.414 --> 00:27:16.644
Cause I, yeah, every night I have to give my mom to hugged or I was, cannot fall.

00:27:16.625 --> 00:27:19.558
I, and also I can't miss the moon new back,

00:27:19.999 --> 00:27:21.348
so yes,

00:27:21.439 --> 00:27:22.969
we're what we're, we're showing.

00:27:22.969 --> 00:27:24.648
Did you have something you want to add to that as well?

00:27:24.648 --> 00:27:24.949
I never

00:27:24.949 --> 00:27:25.159
got

00:27:25.159 --> 00:27:25.939
to answer

00:27:28.159 --> 00:27:28.368
which

00:27:28.368 --> 00:27:29.419
question the conflict.

00:27:29.528 --> 00:27:32.659
I never said there'd be no variety and marriage.

00:27:32.689 --> 00:27:33.108
Okay.

00:27:34.009 --> 00:27:37.068
Do you feel it's important to see mom and dad resolve conflicts?

00:27:37.219 --> 00:27:38.868
Yes, because that advanced me in a person.

00:27:39.509 --> 00:27:45.148
Yeah, dance is my personality to be like how to problem solve prop, how to troubleshoot

00:27:45.878 --> 00:27:46.588
shoot marriage.

00:27:46.709 --> 00:27:47.249
There you go.

00:27:47.669 --> 00:27:48.959
Quite the time to think of that one.

00:27:52.338 --> 00:28:01.038
What about, do you feel that's important to see your parents affectionate without being cringy,

00:28:02.239 --> 00:28:02.568
as you

00:28:02.568 --> 00:28:05.028
heard, like the two hugs and the nightly hug?

00:28:05.509 --> 00:28:07.848
I can go perfectly fine without.

00:28:11.219 --> 00:28:11.578
Family

00:28:11.578 --> 00:28:11.939
anymore.

00:28:12.088 --> 00:28:14.459
Well, I can't, so will be a hug.

00:28:14.538 --> 00:28:14.719
Yeah.

00:28:14.719 --> 00:28:15.888
I'm doing air quotes right now.

00:28:15.996 --> 00:28:18.276
The tucking in, right.

00:28:18.425 --> 00:28:20.675
So I can live perfectly fine without that

00:28:20.945 --> 00:28:22.536
means, you know, he's not part

00:28:22.536 --> 00:28:23.316
of the family anymore,

00:28:24.336 --> 00:28:25.385
but I need that hug.

00:28:25.385 --> 00:28:26.915
So, but mum, mum.

00:28:28.306 --> 00:28:28.546
So

00:28:29.086 --> 00:28:30.226
I'm like, okay, I'm tired.

00:28:30.226 --> 00:28:30.885
She's like, where

00:28:30.885 --> 00:28:31.246
is she?

00:28:32.776 --> 00:28:33.465
What happened?

00:28:33.826 --> 00:28:34.395
You're gone.

00:28:34.395 --> 00:28:34.846
Does mum

00:28:34.996 --> 00:28:35.625
still miss you?

00:28:35.655 --> 00:28:36.796
She just cries every day.

00:28:38.746 --> 00:28:39.465
I do miss you,

00:28:39.915 --> 00:28:41.559
but it's good to have that.

00:28:41.710 --> 00:28:47.829
So you can see what it's actually like to have a healthy, and it's not like, it's not like the movies where everything's fake,

00:28:48.390 --> 00:28:48.690
right.

00:28:49.019 --> 00:28:55.500
The movies don't give you a good indication oftentimes about what relationships are like, what marriage is like, anything that.

00:28:56.515 --> 00:28:57.174
That's really good.

00:28:57.355 --> 00:29:00.384
Is there a, I think like we've kind of run through the questions.

00:29:00.384 --> 00:29:02.724
We've asked a few extra ones and you guys have done a really great

00:29:02.724 --> 00:29:04.964
job to add to the affection thing.

00:29:04.994 --> 00:29:14.204
I think that seeing you guys being affectionate with each other does help see what you guys still do badly love each other, like you did when you're on your honeymoon or when you first got married.

00:29:14.765 --> 00:29:19.125
I think that's good for us because you guys still do really care about each other and us.

00:29:19.244 --> 00:29:19.484
Yeah,

00:29:20.414 --> 00:29:20.924
absolutely.

00:29:21.045 --> 00:29:21.555
Yeah, we do.

00:29:24.005 --> 00:29:24.335
All right.

00:29:24.335 --> 00:29:26.674
Well, I mean, honestly, this was really enlightening.

00:29:26.674 --> 00:29:35.913
You guys, I appreciate the the freedom of just your willingness to speak, even on the tougher subjects, tougher questions like you don't like, but it's

00:29:35.913 --> 00:29:36.183
good.

00:29:36.183 --> 00:29:37.683
We tend to talk from your heart.

00:29:37.683 --> 00:29:39.094
Cause none of this is scripted

00:29:39.304 --> 00:29:46.163
and this isn't, and this is the thing it's not, this is a father's day episode, but this really just shows what it like, if you're listening to.

00:29:46.989 --> 00:29:55.929
And maybe you don't have any children, maybe your, in the process of adopting, are you looking to have a child or you're just wondering how your husband is going to be like when you have children here.

00:29:55.929 --> 00:29:55.989
Yeah.

00:29:56.858 --> 00:30:01.596
You have to know that we screwed it up so many times, take 10.

00:30:01.596 --> 00:30:04.146
We've asked our children for forgiveness.

00:30:04.146 --> 00:30:14.777
So many times we've shown our authenticity, our willingness to be genuine with them regularly only because that they say that helps them be a better person.

00:30:14.797 --> 00:30:15.096
Really?

00:30:15.096 --> 00:30:15.696
It helps us.

00:30:16.207 --> 00:30:17.856
It helps us be a better married couple.

00:30:17.856 --> 00:30:19.596
It helps us be better in a relationship.

00:30:20.106 --> 00:30:24.576
Having children helps us be better at conflict resolution, a better about how much we fight at the house.

00:30:24.597 --> 00:30:28.407
How much we fight in general, why we're fighting and working these things through.

00:30:28.827 --> 00:30:35.357
And to be able to walk that stuff through with kids in the house means you always have always have eyes on you.

00:30:35.928 --> 00:30:40.938
And so just know that your relationship, if it's in a rough spot, communication-wise, it can be healthy.

00:30:40.938 --> 00:30:44.387
It can be whole, and it can be something that's absolutely amazing.

00:30:44.387 --> 00:30:46.278
So have you, you've heard us say before.

00:30:46.288 --> 00:30:50.388
Do you guys have anything last minute things you want to add before we move, move forward a little

00:30:50.388 --> 00:30:52.278
bit held at gunpoint to say this.

00:30:57.439 --> 00:30:58.459
That's probably why I didn't put on.

00:30:58.459 --> 00:31:00.499
I don't think I really have anything else to add.

00:31:00.488 --> 00:31:03.667
Except that if mom didn't have dad, no one would be able to kill her spiders.

00:31:04.538 --> 00:31:04.988
That's a very

00:31:04.988 --> 00:31:05.557
good point.

00:31:05.617 --> 00:31:06.667
Very, very good point.

00:31:06.698 --> 00:31:07.718
That's a very good point.

00:31:07.718 --> 00:31:10.852
I think I think just leaving this on a.

00:31:13.997 --> 00:31:35.585
Note of how important fathers are and, and healthy fathers are and healthy mothers are in a healthy marriage dynamic because, you know, in our case, there are three people that are watching when we, when we might think that, oh, they can't hear us or they can't see what's going on.

00:31:35.570 --> 00:31:35.901
Is so

00:31:35.901 --> 00:31:36.500
important.

00:31:38.010 --> 00:31:44.226
So with that being said, Hey, thank you for listening and being a part of this for all of these that are all of you that are going to hear this.

00:31:44.256 --> 00:31:51.432
Thank you for just enjoying, I hope you enjoyed that little insight into our family and to some of the things that we thought through the personalities of our strange.

00:31:51.550 --> 00:31:56.957
But as if you have a question or a topic or anything you want to discuss, even if it's a parenting question or anything like that.

00:31:57.047 --> 00:31:57.196
Yeah.

00:31:57.247 --> 00:32:02.240
Because I think like, as we move through our topics like parenting is going

00:32:02.240 --> 00:32:03.470
to become yeah, absolutely.

00:32:03.470 --> 00:32:09.019
So as you heard us say, report, we believe that marriage can be reset, refreshed, recharged, Andrew story.