Navigating Disagreements with Grace.

Scroll your feed for five seconds and you’ll see it, division everywhere. Opinions flying, people barking at each other, friendships breaking over politics, theology, or even what brand of coffee is “holy enough.”  

It feels like the world has forgotten how to disagree without destroying one another.

But as followers of Jesus, we don’t get to jump on that bandwagon. We’re called to something higher. 

So the real question is: how do we actually disagree? How do we live out grace when everything in us wants to bark back or prove our point?

The Bible shows us how to do this. It lays out principles that, if we lived them out, would completely flip the way we handle conflict and shine a light on Christ in the middle of chaos.

Love First, Even When It’s Hard

Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” 

Translation: your first move is love, even when it costs you. Especially when it costs, this is the price of being a Christ follower.

It’s no big deal to love the people who agree with us. The challenge comes when we’re in the heat of a disagreement with our spouse, a friend, or that stranger online who just “knows better.” That’s when love has to be more than a word; it has to be a choice.

Ask yourself: Do I care more about this person, or about being right? If the answer is “being right,” it might be time to step back.

Pride is the Gasoline, Humility is the Water

James 4:6 reminds us, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 

Pride is like lighter fluid, it makes every conflict flare up fast. Humility? It pours water on the fire.

Owning your mistakes doesn’t make you weak; it makes you credible, it makes you strong. Vulnerability is the backbone of good people. 

Imagine how many fights would end before they even got started if more of us said, “You’re right, I dropped the ball.”

Truth Needs Love

Ephesians 4:15 calls us to “speak the truth in love.” One without the other is useless. Truth with no love is harsh. Love with no truth is empty. When you put them together, it actually builds something.

Before you speak, check your heart: Am I saying this to help, or just to win? That gut-check will keep you from bulldozing someone in the name of “truth.”

A Gentle Answer Turns Away Wrath

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” 

This is my “Shut Up” scripture. The one I have to use on myself in those moments, and the one more people need to activate in their own life. 

Sometimes the wisest thing you can do is just keep your mouth shut.

That doesn’t mean ignoring hard conversations. It means handling them in a way that builds peace instead of throwing grenades. 

Ask: Is this the right time, and is this the right tone? 

That question alone could save your marriage, your friendships, and your social media comment section.

Here is what I am not saying. Pastor Bryan says shut up and don’t tell the truth. 

Wrong. I am saying the where, when and how matter. And usually our first impulse to respond with the “truth” in that moment is not the right move. 

Forgive Like Jesus

Colossians 3:13 says, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

 Forgiveness isn’t just a nice Christian bumper sticker; it’s the core of the gospel.

Forgiving doesn’t mean you forget or excuse what happened. It means you refuse to chain yourself to bitterness.

 Sometimes it’s instant, sometimes it’s a long road. But forgiveness is what sets you free and gives God room to heal what’s broken.

Ways to handle Disagreements

• Pause and pray. Let God check your heart before you unload on someone.
• Use “I” statements. “I feel hurt…” works a lot better than “You always mess this up.”
• Listen to understand. Not just to reload your counterargument.
• Own your part. Even if it’s small, admit where you blew it.
• Forgive first. Don’t wait for the other person to crawl back. Lead the way.
• Remember the covenant. In marriage, especially, you’re not opponents, you’re on the same team.
  
  

Why This Matters Now

We’ve seen too much loss lately to keep treating people like enemies. Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” 

That’s not optional. It includes the people we disagree with most. More for those with whom we disagree. 

Life is short. We don’t know how much time we’ve got. Why waste it trying to win arguments instead of building bridges?

Because the end goal isn’t proving you’re right, it’s showing the world who Jesus is.