"Choosing Love: Why Marriage is More Action Than Emotion"
What is the truth about marriage? We find someone we like, date, fall in love with, and get married. That’s a way over-simplification, but it gives us the general gist of what happens. Another truth is the wiring in our brains is not the same. God didn’t create us to be the same. How boring would life be if we all thought the same, acted the same and had the same opinions?
We are the absolute opposites of each other. We are wired differently. We don’t process stress, work, love, failures, successes, and relationships. Are you noticing a trend??
We are not the same!!!
I overused the word “same” to prove a point. Its very meaning is tedious, uninteresting, lacklustre, monotonous. Marriage isn’t something that can be treated with the “same’ attitude. When we first connect with “the one,” it’s electrifying and thrilling. Being near that person takes our breath away, and everything they do is incredible and without error.
The very thought of them made your heart burst with love and affection. Their hair would inspire poems of fancy and delight. You would wear clean underwear every day instead of every third day. (guys)
Barf right!!
Then you got married and are now faced with living with each other. Living close to each other brings a whole different set of circumstances. Existing that close, day to day, shows just how selfish you are. Something as simple as watching TV or choosing what you want for dinner. And we all know how hard it is to ask a woman what she wants to eat. Living with each other is sometimes like having a hand grenade with the pin pulled in and out. For the first few years anyway.
As life progresses, mortgages, car payments, children, and time can get in the way of romance. The truth about romance is that the sparks will turn into embers. And embers need to be stoked.
One of the things I have learned in my marriage is that the stoking of the embers gets harder and harder. We get so busy with life that we can’t sometime see our relationship the way we used to. The other truth about marriage is that it is an action.
That’s right, I said action.
When the fantasy of marriage begins to fade, you see your husband or wife at their worst. Morning breath, snoring, and granny underwear are not something we had planned for in the primary stages of our relationship.
When you have your first knockdown, drag-em-out fight, are you looking at them with the love and adoration that was present moments before?
Not even a little bit. We have pushed every button to win the argument, and you want nothing more than to do something you will regret. In these moments, we don’t have the feelings of love and joy of being near the other person. We will make a split-second decision to love and cherish that person………from a distance.
As you walk away or stomp away, that is when the emotion called “LOVE” is no longer a feeling but an action. We choose…..in that instance, to continue loving them, whether you want to or not. We act on our love for that person.