Nov. 28, 2022

Season 3 Ep. 1 // Are you Quietly Quitting?? (Part 1)

Season 3 Ep. 1 // Are you Quietly Quitting?? (Part 1)
Apple Podcasts podcast player badge
Spotify podcast player badge
Overcast podcast player badge
Castro podcast player badge
iHeartRadio podcast player badge
PocketCasts podcast player badge
TuneIn podcast player badge
RSS Feed podcast player badge
Apple Podcasts podcast player icon Spotify podcast player icon Overcast podcast player icon Castro podcast player icon iHeartRadio podcast player icon PocketCasts podcast player icon TuneIn podcast player icon RSS Feed podcast player icon
Season 3

Quiet quitting may be trendy but is rarely beneficial.  So often in marriage, we can take our partner for granted. When that happens, the downward spiral to "Quietly Quitting" can start.  
In the first episode, we are kicking off season 3 with a multi-part series on the dangers of "quietly quitting" in your relationship. 

We are excited to be back and looking to continuing on the journey of healthier marriage with you. 

Send us a text

Support the show

SUBSCRIBE

LIKE & SHARE

We want to hear from you. Stay connected to Amplified Marriage
Website
Instagram
Facebook

We are strong believers that marriages can be reset, refreshed, recharged, and restored. 

WEBVTT

00:00:02.535 --> 00:00:04.275
Welcome to the Amplified Marriage Podcast.

00:00:04.844 --> 00:00:05.714
This is a bit different.

00:00:05.714 --> 00:00:09.974
We're starting a little bit different when you're talking about quiet quitting today.

00:00:10.304 --> 00:00:23.324
And we're gonna be talking about some signs that you or your partner, your spouse, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, are actually quietly quitting on each other, not giving the relationship and opportunity by not putting in the right amount of effort.

00:00:23.324 --> 00:00:24.914
And so today we just wanna start.

00:00:25.085 --> 00:00:31.925
This whole new season with a bang and go into something that's a real, it's a trend right now in our current culture.

00:00:48.935 --> 00:00:51.304
Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage.

00:00:51.335 --> 00:00:52.085
I'm Natalie.

00:00:52.090 --> 00:00:52.604
I'm Brian.

00:00:52.865 --> 00:00:58.145
Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, you've heard us say over the last two seasons onto our third.

00:00:58.145 --> 00:01:02.344
Now get comfy, grab a coffee, grab a tea, grab a snack.

00:01:02.645 --> 00:01:05.135
We're so glad that you've joined us for our chat today.

00:01:05.495 --> 00:01:06.125
Absolutely.

00:01:06.125 --> 00:01:09.995
And as you heard, we are talking about quiet, quitting.

00:01:10.064 --> 00:01:10.674
Mm-hmm.

00:01:11.165 --> 00:01:16.625
seems to be this, this new term, flying around made super popular by TikTok.

00:01:16.655 --> 00:01:24.120
Well, I think that even in, in previous episodes, Today we're talking a lot about, is really just about communication.

00:01:24.390 --> 00:01:33.930
It, it's essentially, essentially it's about communication, but we're looking at it a bit differently, kind of around the interest was sparked in us with the, the current TikTok trends.

00:01:33.930 --> 00:01:35.180
We, we, we get.

00:01:36.165 --> 00:01:39.885
bombarded on Instagram and Facebook by these people that are quietly quitting.

00:01:40.034 --> 00:01:40.194
Mm-hmm.

00:01:40.216 --> 00:01:43.307
This, it's funny how everyone's like, oh, this is a new trend.

00:01:43.311 --> 00:01:45.316
This has been around for such a long time.

00:01:45.406 --> 00:01:45.736
That's right.

00:01:45.736 --> 00:01:49.516
And we, we've touched on sort of slow fade Yeah.

00:01:49.516 --> 00:01:53.793
In our earlier seasons where it was, you know, we briefly touched on that.

00:01:53.793 --> 00:01:53.852
Yeah.

00:01:53.912 --> 00:01:58.082
So we're kind of diving deep cuz it seems to be what's really floating out.

00:01:58.878 --> 00:02:06.317
And you know, if you heard that old saying, I was thinking about that when we were prepping, is that old saying, dress for the job that you want.

00:02:06.677 --> 00:02:11.657
I remember when I started working at Shaw years ago, that's one of the, the first things they said, dress for the job that you want.

00:02:11.657 --> 00:02:12.108
Mm-hmm.

00:02:12.217 --> 00:02:23.133
And I kind of had this attitude, well, or this thought, well we're, we're getting ready for this podcast, but it was like, behave or act or fight for the marriage that you want.

00:02:23.403 --> 00:02:23.913
That's right.

00:02:23.913 --> 00:02:26.104
And you don't have to settle sometimes for the marriage that.

00:02:27.093 --> 00:02:32.794
Exactly, and, and that's not, leave your partner or leave your spouse.

00:02:32.794 --> 00:02:34.924
That's just saying you might have to change your approach.

00:02:34.984 --> 00:02:35.253
Right.

00:02:35.313 --> 00:02:36.723
You might have to change your tactics.

00:02:36.753 --> 00:02:37.084
Right.

00:02:37.084 --> 00:02:43.443
And even though quiet quitting is is so much centered around a job like it, it's really

00:02:43.443 --> 00:02:44.554
central job.

00:02:44.794 --> 00:02:45.813
It kind of came from.

00:02:45.843 --> 00:02:46.174
Yeah.

00:02:46.174 --> 00:02:53.313
And that's kind of where we even got triggered for this and doing some research there's actually a lot out there on quietly quitting in relationships, but it's not a new concept.

00:02:53.704 --> 00:02:56.343
No, and I'm going to use something that we probably have never done before.

00:02:56.343 --> 00:03:07.274
I'm going to use a Homer Simpson quote that this was something that was said in 1995, Homer Simpson on the Simpsons said to Lisa,"Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike.

00:03:07.364 --> 00:03:10.123
You just go in every day and you do it really half-assed.

00:03:10.364 --> 00:03:11.413
That's the American way".

00:03:11.693 --> 00:03:12.674
How Applicable?

00:03:13.123 --> 00:03:20.533
When you think of the amount of effort, I mean, they're talking about a job perspective, but if we flip that to a relationship standpoint, right.

00:03:21.868 --> 00:03:32.008
Effective is that quote to saying, if you just don't like what you do, you don't just leave, you can just get by doing the bare minimum.

00:03:32.008 --> 00:03:37.199
And so many couples that we know get by on doing the bare minimum

00:03:37.288 --> 00:03:44.278
and bare minimum, I think is the, the, like the, I like the ideal word for this whole quietly quitting.

00:03:45.868 --> 00:03:49.739
Like we, I, I, I really love this message.

00:03:49.979 --> 00:03:51.179
It's actually a scripture.

00:03:51.179 --> 00:03:54.179
It's a, or it's a verse or a Bible term that I will use.

00:03:54.299 --> 00:03:55.679
I'm a pastor, so you get some of that.

00:03:55.679 --> 00:04:00.688
Today is we have this thing that I say, if you don't like what you're reaping, you have to change what you're sowing.

00:04:00.688 --> 00:04:00.778
Mm-hmm.

00:04:01.019 --> 00:04:10.229
In other words, if you don't like what's happening in your marriage, if you don't like the way you communicate, the way you process information, the way you deal with your emotions, the way you fight, even the way.

00:04:10.903 --> 00:04:13.123
Any of that, you have to change your approach.

00:04:13.454 --> 00:04:20.564
So if you're not getting what you want outta the relationship, you have to put in the work on your side, be accountable for you.

00:04:20.684 --> 00:04:20.983
Yep.

00:04:21.283 --> 00:04:22.514
To make the relationship better.

00:04:22.634 --> 00:04:22.994
Right.

00:04:23.024 --> 00:04:23.684
Exactly.

00:04:23.684 --> 00:04:27.903
And it's not, I mean, if you can recognize within yourself, Hey, I don't.

00:04:28.353 --> 00:04:33.093
I don't like this or this bothers me or whatever, but then not say anything and not articulate.

00:04:33.093 --> 00:04:33.184
Right?

00:04:33.184 --> 00:04:35.598
How are you expecting anything to change, right?

00:04:35.718 --> 00:04:41.459
Like the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again expecting a different result, right?

00:04:41.968 --> 00:04:43.019
You're going to.

00:04:43.098 --> 00:04:54.108
Drive yourself nuts and drive those around you and your partner if you continually do the same thing that isn't working over and over again, right?

00:04:54.199 --> 00:05:00.408
We've said so many times, you know what you know, and so hopefully this can at least spark a conversation, right?

00:05:00.468 --> 00:05:11.329
Or, or you even, you, you almost work yourself or drive yourself to a standstill because you're trying to do the bare minimum and you're, you're expecting the other person to change before.

00:05:12.053 --> 00:05:13.553
Exactly it.

00:05:13.673 --> 00:05:25.374
Work on yourself and when you start to work on the areas that you are lacking in, or Frank, like you kind of suck in, then you are.

00:05:25.434 --> 00:05:37.244
I mean it, this was our story when I stopped basing the change of our relationship based on when you finally got it together, and, and really started.

00:05:38.004 --> 00:05:38.814
introspectively.

00:05:38.814 --> 00:05:45.173
Look at myself and my failures and my contribution to the dissolving, you know, communication in our marriage.

00:05:45.533 --> 00:05:45.624
Right.

00:05:45.624 --> 00:05:47.874
Things began to change within me.

00:05:48.024 --> 00:05:48.084
Yeah.

00:05:48.144 --> 00:05:52.100
Because I began to see the heirs of my way right.

00:05:52.105 --> 00:05:54.230
And began to work on myself.

00:05:54.620 --> 00:05:56.963
And and really, I mean, it's a.

00:05:58.434 --> 00:05:58.824
Right.

00:05:59.033 --> 00:06:03.473
You have to choose to want to be in the relationship with that person.

00:06:03.923 --> 00:06:12.024
And if you're not making that choice, and we've been together almost till 24 years, we still have have to make that choice.

00:06:12.444 --> 00:06:12.744
Wow.

00:06:13.074 --> 00:06:13.524
Right.

00:06:13.793 --> 00:06:15.593
You, you get up and you don't get up.

00:06:16.389 --> 00:06:27.249
you still make the choice to stay committed to, to loving your spouse, to, you know, you get up every day, you go to work, you take your kids to school, whatnot.

00:06:27.369 --> 00:06:27.579
Yeah.

00:06:27.983 --> 00:06:30.293
It's the same concept, right?

00:06:30.293 --> 00:06:37.134
It just doesn't magically happen over the years if you are not willing to put in the work.

00:06:37.173 --> 00:06:37.613
Right.

00:06:37.619 --> 00:06:42.225
And I think that, that saying it's a hundred percent, a hundred percent, not 50 50.

00:06:42.555 --> 00:06:46.425
Like, I'm gonna put in 50%, you're gonna put in 50% of the work and then we'll make a magic a hundred.

00:06:46.456 --> 00:06:46.725
Yeah.

00:06:46.725 --> 00:06:51.286
No, it's, we both have to put a hundred over a hundred as much as we can into the relationship.

00:06:51.286 --> 00:06:54.165
And that's why it's such a trend like that.

00:06:54.165 --> 00:06:56.086
Even when we were doing some research into this, you had.

00:06:56.117 --> 00:07:03.192
One of the articles, I think it was from the New York Post, was saying there was a relationship and someone,

00:07:03.432 --> 00:07:04.091
oh, yeah.

00:07:04.091 --> 00:07:04.391
Okay.

00:07:04.391 --> 00:07:05.112
You've heard us.

00:07:05.112 --> 00:07:10.932
If you've been with us since the beginning, you've heard our whole toilet seat debacle.

00:07:11.201 --> 00:07:12.192
I, it's not a debacle,

00:07:12.197 --> 00:07:12.672
it's a truth.

00:07:12.672 --> 00:07:14.711
I think you need to keep it up for me a little bit more

00:07:14.711 --> 00:07:15.072
often.

00:07:15.072 --> 00:07:15.521
Thank you.

00:07:15.581 --> 00:07:22.031
I don't like the toilet seat being left up because I like it up because I've fallen in too many times.

00:07:22.781 --> 00:07:23.291
Right.

00:07:23.471 --> 00:07:25.692
So it, it, you get my point.

00:07:26.232 --> 00:07:35.192
Well, In this new trend that is coming, this woman was expressing her displeasure with this toilet seat being up all the time.

00:07:35.583 --> 00:07:40.423
And the New York Post commented that the what's the word I'm looking for?

00:07:40.423 --> 00:07:45.194
The advice that she was given was to divorce her husband because he, the toilet seat up.

00:07:45.254 --> 00:07:49.483
Let that sink in if that's what it takes.

00:07:50.579 --> 00:07:53.639
For you to end your marriage, is the person leaving the toilet seat up?

00:07:53.639 --> 00:07:55.559
I mean, my husband still leaves the toilet seat up.

00:07:55.619 --> 00:07:56.639
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:07:57.329 --> 00:08:00.749
It's like almost 10% better than it was 20 years ago.

00:08:01.889 --> 00:08:04.288
I guess 10% is better than no percent, but

00:08:05.158 --> 00:08:06.658
can we at least go with 15%?

00:08:07.108 --> 00:08:07.709
We'll, we'll

00:08:07.709 --> 00:08:09.059
stick with 10, but wow.

00:08:09.663 --> 00:08:09.769
Wow.

00:08:10.199 --> 00:08:13.259
The point being I had to make a choice.

00:08:13.259 --> 00:08:14.069
Is this a hill?

00:08:14.069 --> 00:08:14.519
I'm willing to.

00:08:15.569 --> 00:08:16.108
For a long

00:08:16.108 --> 00:08:17.608
time you were willing to die on that hill.

00:08:17.608 --> 00:08:17.728
I was

00:08:17.728 --> 00:08:19.738
willing to die on that hill It.

00:08:19.738 --> 00:08:26.428
But when, when you're coming to, is this worth the end of him a marriage because he leaves the toilet seat up?

00:08:26.428 --> 00:08:28.649
Like there could be so many worse things

00:08:29.189 --> 00:08:30.838
when you're in a bit of a sassy mood.

00:08:31.079 --> 00:08:35.469
There's been times where I'll be in the bathroom and you'll text me, put the toilet seat down.

00:08:36.219 --> 00:08:37.739
Just cracking a joke.

00:08:38.489 --> 00:08:39.269
That's right.

00:08:39.328 --> 00:08:41.938
I mean, we joke about it now because now it's kind of like, you know,

00:08:42.653 --> 00:08:46.063
It's way, it's not 10%, it's way better than it was.

00:08:46.063 --> 00:08:46.303
Like, I,

00:08:47.984 --> 00:08:48.884
whatever helps you sleep at, if

00:08:49.264 --> 00:08:57.943
you guys could see her face right now and the way she's trying to keep it from contorting into just a face of lies and she's just like, you're such a liar.

00:08:58.274 --> 00:09:04.543
The point is that is not grounds for divorce and it's really, really, really unfortunate.

00:09:04.543 --> 00:09:07.663
If that is the advice that is floating around out there.

00:09:07.754 --> 00:09:08.714
Well, that and

00:09:08.894 --> 00:09:11.323
the part of the, the quiet quitting issue in relationships.

00:09:12.298 --> 00:09:20.609
If you don't have the right and we should, if you don't have the right friends and family around you that are for you and your marriage right, you need to chuck them.

00:09:20.668 --> 00:09:23.009
And it sounds really harsh, but you need people that are for you.

00:09:23.009 --> 00:09:24.239
Cuz marriage is hard enough.

00:09:24.448 --> 00:09:24.658
Yeah.

00:09:24.719 --> 00:09:27.839
When you have friends and family that are supporting you and walking you through life together.

00:09:27.899 --> 00:09:28.318
Exactly.

00:09:28.349 --> 00:09:30.509
But marriage is even harder when you don't have that.

00:09:30.509 --> 00:09:32.578
And you have toxic friends that are saying, well, he left a toilet.

00:09:33.278 --> 00:09:35.485
Divorce him, he left his socks on the floor.

00:09:35.666 --> 00:09:36.235
Divorce him.

00:09:36.385 --> 00:09:36.625
Yep.

00:09:36.956 --> 00:09:41.666
Or, or she didn't buy the milk that you wanted or prepared the dinner that you wanted, like get divorced.

00:09:41.666 --> 00:09:48.176
Like there's, you should be willing 100% all the time to be able to fight through almost anything in a relationship.

00:09:48.191 --> 00:09:48.280
Right.

00:09:48.520 --> 00:09:53.020
And we believe, like you, one of our, our lines that we say the most is we believe that marriage can be restored.

00:09:53.291 --> 00:09:56.140
You want to have a good marriage, so into your relationship.

00:09:56.140 --> 00:09:58.750
Like the reason Natalie and I have a, a, a good marriage.

00:09:58.755 --> 00:09:59.770
Now that's not perfect.

00:10:00.100 --> 00:10:01.931
Believe you me, she is not perfect.

00:10:01.931 --> 00:10:06.510
I will tell you guys, she, anyway, we won't go there but.

00:10:07.645 --> 00:10:08.875
To fight for that marriage.

00:10:08.875 --> 00:10:11.245
If we wouldn't have fought for it, we wouldn't be where we are now.

00:10:11.395 --> 00:10:11.785
That's right.

00:10:11.785 --> 00:10:14.696
And we have to keep waking up every day and fighting for the relationship.

00:10:14.696 --> 00:10:17.395
Don't quit just because things get hard, like come on.

00:10:17.576 --> 00:10:18.115
Exactly.

00:10:18.115 --> 00:10:22.316
And I was saying to Brian, one could assume.

00:10:22.725 --> 00:10:25.485
That we've been together for a long time, right?

00:10:25.602 --> 00:10:28.062
We've been married for 21 and a half years.

00:10:29.202 --> 00:10:36.552
One could assume that you can anticipate my every need, my every desire, my every thought, and, and on.

00:10:36.552 --> 00:10:38.592
Some things you really can anticipate.

00:10:38.623 --> 00:10:42.071
I'm glad that there was some things there cuz I'm like one could assume those things and be wrong.

00:10:42.341 --> 00:10:42.760
Right?

00:10:42.821 --> 00:10:45.100
And, and there's still a lot.

00:10:47.035 --> 00:10:51.475
That is the wrong thought process because I still have to communicate.

00:10:51.745 --> 00:10:54.535
You are not a mind reader and why?

00:10:54.535 --> 00:11:03.716
Yes, you can still anticipate because of my mannerisms or my idiosyncrasies or the things that I've already expressed that I enjoy.

00:11:03.775 --> 00:11:12.686
One of those is I enjoy my husband making coffee before I go to bed so that I can wake up early with it ready for

00:11:12.686 --> 00:11:12.926
me.

00:11:12.985 --> 00:11:14.755
Did you bring this up because recently.

00:11:15.265 --> 00:11:16.916
I did not make one one night.

00:11:16.975 --> 00:11:17.186
No.

00:11:17.186 --> 00:11:17.426
I was

00:11:17.426 --> 00:11:18.655
so sad, but

00:11:19.316 --> 00:11:19.556
okay.

00:11:19.556 --> 00:11:19.975
No, no, no.

00:11:20.105 --> 00:11:21.416
Is not, no, no, no, no, no.

00:11:21.416 --> 00:11:32.456
We need to have a moment here when I need to inform our people that listen to this of the silliness of what's about what happens if I miss coffee, which is rare.

00:11:32.645 --> 00:11:33.535
It's very rare.

00:11:33.566 --> 00:11:35.456
I need you to acknowledge the rareness.

00:11:35.456 --> 00:11:35.576
Yes.

00:11:35.605 --> 00:11:37.615
I'm, I'm acknowledging this is not a toilet seat problem.

00:11:37.855 --> 00:11:38.336
Rare.

00:11:38.395 --> 00:11:42.446
This is very rare when I missed the coffee, but like three nights ago, I missed the coffee.

00:11:42.446 --> 00:11:43.466
I was really tired.

00:11:43.466 --> 00:11:44.005
I stayed up.

00:11:44.831 --> 00:11:48.191
Way too late for me and I ended up going to bed, not making coffee.

00:11:48.191 --> 00:11:49.571
Didn't even cross my mind.

00:11:49.571 --> 00:11:51.400
And she even said, Hey Brian, can you remember to make coffee?

00:11:51.400 --> 00:11:52.360
He said, yeah, I got it.

00:11:52.390 --> 00:11:54.581
When do I ever miss smarty pants on me?

00:11:55.150 --> 00:11:55.900
I make the coffee.

00:11:55.900 --> 00:12:01.735
But what's funny is, If she wouldn't have made coffee for me, I would get up in the morning and I would just make a pot of coffee.

00:12:02.035 --> 00:12:13.645
No, she sits in her sadness doing her devotions at six in the morning till about seven or seven 30 when I get up and then looks at me, never really angrily and stares at me and said, you didn't make me coffee.

00:12:13.796 --> 00:12:14.696
Dead in the eyes.

00:12:15.250 --> 00:12:15.850
dead pan.

00:12:15.880 --> 00:12:16.990
You didn't make me coffee.

00:12:17.020 --> 00:12:22.390
With a little tear that dribbles down the side of her face, And my immediate response is, I'm sorry.

00:12:22.451 --> 00:12:22.900
You're right.

00:12:22.900 --> 00:12:23.471
I forgot.

00:12:23.650 --> 00:12:25.571
Why didn't you make your own pot of coffee?

00:12:26.201 --> 00:12:27.431
Well, cuz you didn't do it.

00:12:27.821 --> 00:12:29.530
I'm like, I don't understand the words that you're saying.

00:12:29.535 --> 00:12:29.650
That's

00:12:29.650 --> 00:12:29.951
right.

00:12:29.951 --> 00:12:37.150
The bottom line is you have spoiled me and it's not worth being awake if there's no coffee waiting for me.

00:12:37.150 --> 00:12:39.711
And oftentimes I will go right back to bed.

00:12:39.780 --> 00:12:40.500
That's very true.

00:12:40.740 --> 00:12:49.192
But saying back to our point of still have to communicate, you can anticipate that we'll use coffee as an example.

00:12:49.192 --> 00:12:50.062
You can anticipate that.

00:12:51.847 --> 00:12:57.278
Love and enjoy and appreciate the fact that you make me my coffee the night before.

00:12:57.847 --> 00:12:59.258
I still have to communicate though.

00:12:59.288 --> 00:13:06.518
Please don't forget to make the coffee because on, and even with that communication, it's still, there are still misses.

00:13:06.523 --> 00:13:06.758
Right.

00:13:06.758 --> 00:13:07.538
And that's what we're saying.

00:13:07.538 --> 00:13:11.032
And, but that's where a healthy communication in the relationship.

00:13:12.351 --> 00:13:19.937
Absolutely where, where that actually makes a big difference in how we're going to approach the relationship and that that's important.

00:13:19.996 --> 00:13:21.876
And so it's, it's interesting how.

00:13:22.996 --> 00:13:25.606
one of the, we're gonna get into some of the reasons.

00:13:25.673 --> 00:13:30.373
We have a two, three episodes worth of quiet quitting that we really wanted to break down for you.

00:13:30.373 --> 00:13:30.432
Yeah.

00:13:30.438 --> 00:13:45.294
But one of the big things is even around, say the coffee issue where I didn't make of that coffee that day is one of the things that could be construed or be an issue is that you actually end up talking less and less to each other, which is interesting cuz you talked to me about the coffee and I still missed mm-hmm.

00:13:45.565 --> 00:13:48.144
So what would the difference be if you weren't talking to.

00:13:48.924 --> 00:13:53.995
And you had expectations and I can't fulfill them because you can't because we're talking less and less.

00:13:54.115 --> 00:13:54.504
Yep.

00:13:54.565 --> 00:13:55.125
Right, right.

00:13:55.130 --> 00:13:55.615
I'd be right.

00:13:55.615 --> 00:13:58.225
Angry and honestly, right.

00:13:58.495 --> 00:14:07.205
There have been many times of the course of our marriage where we fall in into that trap of, well, you should know how many times do I have to tell you, right?

00:14:07.205 --> 00:14:07.565
Oh yeah.

00:14:08.004 --> 00:14:08.485
Right.

00:14:08.485 --> 00:14:11.995
That I don't like the toilet seat up, or I don't like this, or I don't like that.

00:14:11.995 --> 00:14:12.294
Right.

00:14:13.195 --> 00:14:13.975
Whatever, whatever.

00:14:13.975 --> 00:14:15.414
Insert your own Exactly.

00:14:15.419 --> 00:14:17.215
Thing in your own relationship, whatever it is.

00:14:17.220 --> 00:14:18.894
And so the,

00:14:18.894 --> 00:14:22.975
the, the communication doesn't stop because you've mentioned it once or twice or 15

00:14:22.975 --> 00:14:23.485
times.

00:14:23.485 --> 00:14:30.865
Like Yeah, like a healthy, a healthy communication isn't necessarily about repeating the issue over and over.

00:14:31.134 --> 00:14:36.735
Like that can get annoying if it's done and you're nagging, which you're not much of an ag anymore.

00:14:37.570 --> 00:14:39.159
I didn't wanna say that on error.

00:14:39.429 --> 00:14:39.610
I

00:14:39.610 --> 00:14:40.419
have no problem.

00:14:40.480 --> 00:14:42.909
I can own my baggage.

00:14:42.914 --> 00:14:43.539
And I wanted

00:14:43.539 --> 00:14:43.899
you to own it.

00:14:43.899 --> 00:14:44.350
I didn't wanna

00:14:44.350 --> 00:14:44.889
own it for you.

00:14:45.039 --> 00:14:53.289
The, the nagging when we break it down is just me or whoever trying to manipulate the result to go in their favor, trying to

00:14:53.289 --> 00:14:53.950
make me feel guilty.

00:14:53.950 --> 00:14:57.039
Now, every, okay, like the, here, here's a funny, one of those things.

00:14:57.039 --> 00:15:00.759
Like every guy has experienced the, Hey, can you take out the garbage?

00:15:01.330 --> 00:15:02.259
And you said, yeah.

00:15:02.620 --> 00:15:03.970
And not seven seconds.

00:15:04.720 --> 00:15:07.600
The wife has taken out the garbage cuz you didn't move fast enough.

00:15:08.379 --> 00:15:09.399
Every guy has done that.

00:15:09.789 --> 00:15:09.879
Yes.

00:15:09.879 --> 00:15:10.570
Experienced that.

00:15:11.440 --> 00:15:11.799
That's right.

00:15:11.799 --> 00:15:13.659
Of some kind of, right.

00:15:13.659 --> 00:15:14.200
That's right.

00:15:14.409 --> 00:15:16.809
But, and that's frustrating, but that's not nagging.

00:15:17.080 --> 00:15:19.629
That's just you not being patient for the husband

00:15:19.629 --> 00:15:19.870
to move.

00:15:19.870 --> 00:15:20.080
That's right.

00:15:20.679 --> 00:15:22.399
I, but also, and I've done that

00:15:23.769 --> 00:15:27.639
as much as we don't wanna go there, so that we are going there.

00:15:27.639 --> 00:15:28.120
No, no, no.

00:15:28.120 --> 00:15:34.899
Like it, it happens and, but that nagging is when you're like, what you said you're trying to manipulate them into.

00:15:35.200 --> 00:15:37.029
So here's the thing, if you're getting result,

00:15:37.029 --> 00:15:37.840
I want without

00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:39.279
actually, but here's the thing.

00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:43.240
If you're not talking and communicating your way through things in a healthy.

00:15:44.289 --> 00:15:48.250
Then nagging oftentimes is the only thing that you hear.

00:15:48.460 --> 00:15:48.879
That's right.

00:15:49.360 --> 00:15:56.470
So if I don't have a relationship with you and, and we're talking through whatever, like, and light things, like, hey, doing the laundry.

00:15:57.129 --> 00:16:02.679
And you tell me for whatever, whatever small thing it is, and the only thing I hear from you is we didn't talk about my day.

00:16:03.129 --> 00:16:05.950
We didn't talk about what happened, what happened to the car, did you put gas?

00:16:05.950 --> 00:16:07.029
We didn't talk about any of that.

00:16:07.029 --> 00:16:08.409
We're talking less and less and less.

00:16:08.740 --> 00:16:10.899
And then when you ask me to do something, it just sounds like nagging.

00:16:10.990 --> 00:16:11.379
That's right.

00:16:11.470 --> 00:16:19.450
Because you're, the only thing you're hearing sometimes at that point is you're filtering, filtering everything through a negative view or a negative perspective.

00:16:19.539 --> 00:16:19.779
Yes.

00:16:19.960 --> 00:16:26.460
Because there's no you, you've actually neglected the relationship and a huge part of any good relationship is communi.

00:16:26.904 --> 00:16:27.294
That's right.

00:16:27.294 --> 00:16:28.105
And I've done it.

00:16:28.225 --> 00:16:28.825
I've done it.

00:16:28.825 --> 00:16:37.256
Where you've gone above and beyond my ask or my expectation, and I've come home and the only thing I can be fixated on is the thing you didn't

00:16:37.256 --> 00:16:37.557
do.

00:16:37.767 --> 00:16:38.216
Oh, yeah.

00:16:38.216 --> 00:16:39.447
Do you remember the van incident?

00:16:39.527 --> 00:16:39.876
Mm.

00:16:40.586 --> 00:16:41.876
Came back on a plane.

00:16:42.596 --> 00:16:43.647
I came back on a plane.

00:16:43.652 --> 00:16:45.116
So you, you went away on a trip?

00:16:45.116 --> 00:16:45.746
I don't know what it was.

00:16:45.746 --> 00:16:46.947
One of the few times.

00:16:49.047 --> 00:16:49.586
It was funny.

00:16:49.586 --> 00:16:56.187
You went away and I think it's in those moments I realized that you do most of the childcare and then you go away for a week and I'm like, I gotta

00:16:56.187 --> 00:16:57.506
look after my, what happened to the van?

00:16:57.836 --> 00:16:58.287
Refresh

00:16:58.287 --> 00:16:58.767
my memory.

00:16:58.767 --> 00:17:02.636
So I, I remember this because we ended up getting in a fight for it for like a day.

00:17:02.636 --> 00:17:05.817
I was choked because you said, Hey, before leave I want you to clean the van.

00:17:05.821 --> 00:17:10.616
And you'd said it over and over cuz we were not in a healthy place And you said, Hey, I want you to clean the van.

00:17:10.676 --> 00:17:13.277
And I cleaned the van, but just not the way you liked.

00:17:13.916 --> 00:17:14.817
It was done well.

00:17:15.086 --> 00:17:19.946
Oh but it doesn't, wasn't done the way you want it and you ime like not even a hey, like you gave me a hug.

00:17:20.096 --> 00:17:23.757
We got to the van and you launched in immediately into, I hate this.

00:17:23.997 --> 00:17:25.106
This wasn't good enough.

00:17:25.557 --> 00:17:32.126
I was, I remember choked in the moment cuz I'm like, I spent time on this with the kids in the back playing vacuuming, washing.

00:17:32.217 --> 00:17:32.547
Yeah.

00:17:32.606 --> 00:17:38.666
And I still had stuff in the center console that we were like, I dunno, eight years, seven years married and still working through some of our issues.

00:17:38.727 --> 00:17:39.057
Yep.

00:17:39.116 --> 00:17:39.987
Some of the issues.

00:17:40.467 --> 00:17:42.836
And you were just so frustrated.

00:17:42.896 --> 00:17:47.007
And that was because we hadn't been working at communicating well,

00:17:47.356 --> 00:17:48.547
No, and I didn't.

00:17:50.416 --> 00:17:50.946
I don't know.

00:17:50.946 --> 00:17:51.267
At that

00:17:51.267 --> 00:17:52.497
time you said clean it, you didn't communicate.

00:17:52.497 --> 00:17:53.576
This is such an easy thing.

00:17:53.636 --> 00:17:54.297
Exactly.

00:17:54.297 --> 00:17:54.596
You said

00:17:54.596 --> 00:17:55.166
clean it.

00:17:55.227 --> 00:17:59.126
But my expectations at that point too were so ridiculously.

00:17:59.787 --> 00:18:00.416
Oh yeah, yeah.

00:18:00.416 --> 00:18:02.156
Out of this universe, They were silly.

00:18:02.426 --> 00:18:02.967
They were.

00:18:02.997 --> 00:18:03.477
They were.

00:18:03.477 --> 00:18:05.096
But you just said clean it and I cleaned it.

00:18:05.247 --> 00:18:05.547
Yeah.

00:18:05.606 --> 00:18:07.826
Just not the way you wanted it to be cleaned.

00:18:07.826 --> 00:18:08.757
Exactly.

00:18:08.936 --> 00:18:13.737
And so this is a prime example of something so.

00:18:15.686 --> 00:18:21.866
I mean, in hindsight, really silly, but in the moment was catastrophic in my

00:18:21.866 --> 00:18:22.527
own mind.

00:18:22.557 --> 00:18:36.507
Well, and it's interesting, like even as we, we were, we were talking about this, there's so much about quiet quitting, like the, the idea of just quietly quitting and the relationship that has to do with you start taking out the, the key.

00:18:36.621 --> 00:18:47.510
Day in, day out, connecting pieces that actually hold the relationship in place, that, that actually act like the glue, which is the, the communication piece.

00:18:47.516 --> 00:18:54.500
But you're not talking about these things, but if you quit on your relationship, which is just a symptom of greater issues, but you're quitting on the relationship mm-hmm.

00:18:54.740 --> 00:18:56.871
and you're talking about less things, it's like, it's like pulling.

00:18:56.871 --> 00:18:57.711
Have you ever seen Jen?

00:18:58.451 --> 00:18:58.990
Yes.

00:18:59.020 --> 00:18:59.230
Yeah.

00:18:59.230 --> 00:19:07.240
You're just slowly pulling pieces out of this tower, hoping it doesn't crash, hoping that it doesn't crash and fall, crash and burn because you're not communicating way through.

00:19:07.240 --> 00:19:12.191
Instead of putting pieces back in, you're pulling them out every time you, it's another day without communicating.

00:19:12.191 --> 00:19:13.691
It's another hour without communicating.

00:19:13.691 --> 00:19:15.040
It's another month without communicating.

00:19:15.046 --> 00:19:18.653
You're just adding more and more like fuel to the fire

00:19:18.653 --> 00:19:19.104
almost.

00:19:19.834 --> 00:19:25.983
The bottom line is you need to be able to identify, discuss, and resolve issues.

00:19:26.104 --> 00:19:26.253
Right?

00:19:26.344 --> 00:19:29.673
That right there is like the magic formula,

00:19:30.153 --> 00:19:30.334
right?

00:19:30.334 --> 00:19:30.544
Yeah.

00:19:30.693 --> 00:19:31.923
If there was a magic formula to

00:19:31.923 --> 00:19:34.503
marriage, right, or to communication, right?

00:19:34.804 --> 00:19:35.554
That would be it.

00:19:35.554 --> 00:19:39.513
You need to identify, and it's not just pointing the finger at your spouse, right?

00:19:39.513 --> 00:19:41.284
For all of their faults, it really.

00:19:42.348 --> 00:19:44.269
introspectively looking at you, right?

00:19:44.858 --> 00:19:56.749
Identifying within you what is wrong, what your contribution is to relationship, discussing and resolving, coming to a solution together, you're coming to an understanding, right?

00:19:57.169 --> 00:19:58.398
This isn't a competition of

00:19:58.398 --> 00:19:59.028
who's right.

00:19:59.118 --> 00:20:04.346
And the, the thing about unity and marriage is because we're believers and.

00:20:05.215 --> 00:20:07.536
Have really good healthy Bible relationship.

00:20:07.536 --> 00:20:08.730
We have good relationship with God.

00:20:09.029 --> 00:20:10.230
God says very much so.

00:20:10.230 --> 00:20:11.099
To fight for the marriage.

00:20:11.099 --> 00:20:12.029
To fight for unity.

00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:12.750
Yeah,

00:20:12.960 --> 00:20:13.349
unity.

00:20:13.500 --> 00:20:15.930
That's where the, the blessing is commanded.

00:20:15.960 --> 00:20:16.380
Right.

00:20:16.380 --> 00:20:19.140
But unity doesn't mean uniformity.

00:20:20.069 --> 00:20:21.059
Unity, right.

00:20:21.059 --> 00:20:22.470
Not mean uniformity.

00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:23.309
That's right.

00:20:23.759 --> 00:20:25.380
Doesn't mean that we agree on everything.

00:20:25.380 --> 00:20:27.660
It just means that we're working for the same goal going forward.

00:20:27.660 --> 00:20:30.390
And you can't know what the same goal is if you're talking less and less.

00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:30.690
That's

00:20:30.690 --> 00:20:30.990
right.

00:20:31.049 --> 00:20:31.410
Right.

00:20:31.480 --> 00:20:31.900
And.

00:20:32.355 --> 00:20:40.785
You, you're probably wonder like, well, how can we, you know, how can we give us something a, a tool?

00:20:41.144 --> 00:20:48.765
I mean, we live in a day and age where, you know, tech and media doesn't have to be a disadvantage.

00:20:48.799 --> 00:20:51.376
I very much appreciate that we can.

00:20:53.386 --> 00:20:58.787
Connect much easier than it was when we were teenagers, when everything was, I had to call you on a land.

00:20:58.787 --> 00:21:00.017
That's how old, how

00:21:00.017 --> 00:21:00.646
ridiculous.

00:21:00.767 --> 00:21:01.696
That's how old we are.

00:21:01.696 --> 00:21:05.477
Is that mom had a a touchstone phone, boop.

00:21:05.507 --> 00:21:05.957
Yeah.

00:21:05.957 --> 00:21:07.997
Attached to the wall that was not cellular.

00:21:08.027 --> 00:21:11.207
And if you left the house and something happened, you never knew about it.

00:21:11.207 --> 00:21:11.537
No.

00:21:11.777 --> 00:21:12.616
Unless you had a pager.

00:21:12.856 --> 00:21:13.247
Right.

00:21:13.247 --> 00:21:14.446
Or an answering machine.

00:21:14.446 --> 00:21:16.696
If that was even a thing at that point.

00:21:16.757 --> 00:21:17.057
Right.

00:21:17.057 --> 00:21:17.116
Yeah.

00:21:17.116 --> 00:21:17.477
Answering machines.

00:21:17.477 --> 00:21:17.656
Yep.

00:21:18.557 --> 00:21:19.467
That's how old we are guys.

00:21:19.467 --> 00:21:27.406
We make it a point to text and communicate, and I have the privilege of working literally down the hall from you.

00:21:27.412 --> 00:21:32.297
So during the day, yeah, I will pop in your office and and whatnot.

00:21:32.297 --> 00:21:41.777
But even before that, our phones, we text, we communicate, we call throughout the.

00:21:43.021 --> 00:21:43.892
And not excessively.

00:21:43.892 --> 00:21:44.041
Listen

00:21:44.041 --> 00:21:44.731
that not well.

00:21:44.731 --> 00:21:45.182
No.

00:21:45.182 --> 00:21:45.422
Right?

00:21:45.511 --> 00:21:50.192
The only time I don't really respond to a one or 32nd phone calls if I'm in meetings or,

00:21:50.221 --> 00:21:50.491
yeah.

00:21:50.491 --> 00:21:54.510
But you always communicate, Hey, can't talk or call in a minute, or whatever.

00:21:54.510 --> 00:21:54.721
Right.

00:21:54.721 --> 00:21:58.381
You communicate that you're in the middle of some, this is not like every five seconds.

00:21:58.740 --> 00:22:01.290
This is just, you know, it sound like lunchtime.

00:22:01.296 --> 00:22:01.681
I know.

00:22:01.711 --> 00:22:05.310
And hey, if that works for you, by all means.

00:22:07.171 --> 00:22:11.401
This is just like we have our checkpoints during the day that we check in with each other.

00:22:11.971 --> 00:22:22.020
So that, and we were just talking about this, if there was ever a lapse in that communication, this is a norm that we've established.

00:22:22.080 --> 00:22:22.201
Mm-hmm.

00:22:22.441 --> 00:22:24.931
for us in our relationship.

00:22:24.990 --> 00:22:28.411
We communicate all the time.

00:22:28.590 --> 00:22:31.442
We communicate with our kids, we communicate with each other.

00:22:31.501 --> 00:22:32.971
They hear us communicating.

00:22:33.692 --> 00:22:34.471
All the time.

00:22:34.531 --> 00:22:34.771
Right.

00:22:34.839 --> 00:22:42.811
So if there was ever a period of time where that wasn't happening, that would send a red flag up in my mind of something's not right.

00:22:44.176 --> 00:22:50.297
Right, because this is a routine that we've established, and you can't know if there's something amiss.

00:22:50.297 --> 00:22:54.767
If everything in your relationship is disorganized, everything in your relationship is up in the air.

00:22:54.896 --> 00:22:57.106
We just w we just wing it as we go.

00:22:57.287 --> 00:23:00.527
There is no established pattern, right?

00:23:00.527 --> 00:23:09.856
So maybe this is a time where you in your relationship can establish a normal, healthy pattern so that you are all the more wise.

00:23:11.146 --> 00:23:14.747
Alerted to the fact if something is wrong,

00:23:14.751 --> 00:23:15.247
right?

00:23:15.586 --> 00:23:15.676
And.

00:23:17.372 --> 00:23:20.642
and we're not saying, oh my goodness, you missed one time to answer me.

00:23:20.642 --> 00:23:22.352
You are obviously quietly quitting.

00:23:22.352 --> 00:23:22.801
No, no, no.

00:23:22.951 --> 00:23:24.602
This is a pattern over time.

00:23:24.662 --> 00:23:24.842
Yeah.

00:23:24.842 --> 00:23:30.602
Over time it's, it's like even, it's like when we're not keeping in contact, are you quietly quitting?

00:23:30.602 --> 00:23:32.942
And it's not just one day, it you're not wrong.

00:23:32.942 --> 00:23:34.172
It's one time we, we missed it.

00:23:34.172 --> 00:23:36.551
We didn't communicate and Oh, these and consumed.

00:23:36.551 --> 00:23:36.751
Yeah.

00:23:36.751 --> 00:23:36.991
Yeah.

00:23:36.991 --> 00:23:45.896
But well, if you're living in the same house, the same bed driving the same car, eating the same dinners, and you're not communicating through those things, We're just saying pay attention to look at your relationship.

00:23:45.896 --> 00:23:46.856
It's very hard.

00:23:47.096 --> 00:23:48.477
It's hard to come back from that.

00:23:48.477 --> 00:23:49.406
But not impossible.

00:23:49.406 --> 00:23:50.426
You have to really want it.

00:23:50.426 --> 00:23:51.626
Both of you have to really want it.

00:23:51.747 --> 00:23:52.346
Exactly.

00:23:52.346 --> 00:23:54.067
Which kind of lends into the next one.

00:23:54.067 --> 00:24:00.030
Which if you're talking less and less, it also can indicate that you're losing interest in your Yep.

00:24:00.090 --> 00:24:03.361
In your partner, in your spouse, in them, and who they are.

00:24:03.901 --> 00:24:06.090
Checking in on a good day, that's so

00:24:06.096 --> 00:24:06.540
important.

00:24:06.540 --> 00:24:10.441
It's really even checking in, you know, if we've left and.

00:24:11.270 --> 00:24:15.050
Had a disagreement, one.

00:24:15.050 --> 00:24:19.221
If not both will always check in regardless of of where they feel they stand.

00:24:19.310 --> 00:24:19.550
Right?

00:24:20.330 --> 00:24:21.740
I'm right or I am not.

00:24:22.490 --> 00:24:28.340
We, we generally make an effort to communicate right.

00:24:29.645 --> 00:24:30.036
I hope you

00:24:30.036 --> 00:24:30.726
got to work.

00:24:31.266 --> 00:24:31.445
Yeah.

00:24:31.445 --> 00:24:35.076
Well, especially like there's adverse winter conditions or, or things like that.

00:24:35.076 --> 00:24:36.935
We just communicate safety and things like that.

00:24:37.175 --> 00:24:38.796
I don't wanna have to worry about things like that.

00:24:39.665 --> 00:24:41.826
But checking is in is important.

00:24:41.826 --> 00:24:42.976
Not just one of you, but both of you.

00:24:43.911 --> 00:24:48.530
Checking it and just seeing what's going on and even sitting down like, Hey, let's talk about our relationship.

00:24:48.530 --> 00:24:54.260
Like Natalie does this all the time to me, sometimes at the worst times, like 10 30 at night, let's talk about the future.

00:24:54.260 --> 00:24:56.391
I'm like, I don't have the energy to talk about the future.

00:24:56.750 --> 00:24:57.980
You've seen memes on this.

00:24:57.980 --> 00:25:01.701
I should put memes on the Instagram page, but this is a real struggle.

00:25:01.701 --> 00:25:05.840
Like I'm almost asleep and she's like, wanna talk about the house that we want to buy?

00:25:05.871 --> 00:25:08.661
I'm like, I don't have the energy to think about the house that I want to buy.

00:25:09.050 --> 00:25:10.070
It's, it's a real thing.

00:25:11.316 --> 00:25:14.465
What she's showing is that she's still interested in me in the future.

00:25:14.556 --> 00:25:15.006
That's right.

00:25:15.455 --> 00:25:20.405
And she's not, she's still communicating with me about those things, and she wants to know what are we gonna do?

00:25:20.766 --> 00:25:27.066
Then we pray about it, and then we do devotions, and then we communicate those things with our friends that are really close to us.

00:25:27.125 --> 00:25:29.826
And so I also, like, she updates me on her date.

00:25:29.855 --> 00:25:34.385
She, in my opinion, has one of the most boring jobs on the face of the earth, but she loves it.

00:25:35.135 --> 00:25:35.435
Which

00:25:35.435 --> 00:25:35.885
job?

00:25:35.885 --> 00:25:36.336
Hr.

00:25:36.455 --> 00:25:37.746
Oh, Yes.

00:25:37.746 --> 00:25:38.465
I love hr.

00:25:38.465 --> 00:25:38.945
I am great.

00:25:38.945 --> 00:25:39.395
You love p.

00:25:40.516 --> 00:25:44.226
Task administrative, and it drives me crazy.

00:25:44.226 --> 00:25:44.685
Its me joy.

00:25:44.705 --> 00:25:45.346
It brings me

00:25:45.352 --> 00:25:45.675
joy.

00:25:45.705 --> 00:25:50.145
Here's, here's where a moment can happen in your relationship.

00:25:50.205 --> 00:25:54.625
I listen to her when she tells me about the things that she's learning and the things that she's doing.

00:25:55.355 --> 00:26:11.165
I don't like hr, I don't really care to know about the paperwork that she pushed but I love her and so I'm gonna sit and listen and sometimes pretend that I'm interested, truthfully be, and she does the same thing when I, I can always tell when she's, we're sitting there like, Hey, look at this guitar.

00:26:11.165 --> 00:26:12.635
And she looks at them and she's like, ah.

00:26:12.750 --> 00:26:12.931
Yeah.

00:26:12.931 --> 00:26:13.290
Cool.

00:26:13.411 --> 00:26:17.191
And then she looks back to the whatever she's doing, reading or, and she's like, yeah, you don't care.

00:26:17.191 --> 00:26:18.121
She's like, Nope, not really.

00:26:18.421 --> 00:26:21.871
We're at that stage in our relationship where we can just say, no, I don't care about that.

00:26:22.020 --> 00:26:23.161
I love you, but I don't care

00:26:23.165 --> 00:26:23.550
about that.

00:26:23.611 --> 00:26:24.131
But Right.

00:26:24.131 --> 00:26:24.391
I love that.

00:26:24.391 --> 00:26:24.931
You care

00:26:24.931 --> 00:26:25.500
about that.

00:26:25.506 --> 00:26:25.711
Yeah.

00:26:25.711 --> 00:26:27.451
And that's the thing, I love that you care about your

00:26:27.455 --> 00:26:27.750
job.

00:26:27.750 --> 00:26:28.260
That's good.

00:26:28.260 --> 00:26:30.961
And, and honestly, there are only so many electric guitars.

00:26:30.961 --> 00:26:32.371
They all begin to look the same.

00:26:32.431 --> 00:26:32.881
They do

00:26:32.881 --> 00:26:34.411
not look the same Me after

00:26:34.861 --> 00:26:37.201
oldest that I can just, my middle son.

00:26:37.540 --> 00:26:41.530
All of my energy into, I never get the names right.

00:26:42.040 --> 00:26:44.560
I'm always like, that is a great Les Paul.

00:26:44.560 --> 00:26:45.820
No, that was a whatever

00:26:45.820 --> 00:26:46.151
offender.

00:26:46.840 --> 00:26:47.800
I dunno how you get to mixed'em up.

00:26:47.800 --> 00:26:49.240
They don't look the same C what I'm telling you.

00:26:49.240 --> 00:26:50.681
So she, she tries at least.

00:26:51.070 --> 00:26:51.461
There

00:26:51.461 --> 00:26:52.181
you go.

00:26:52.871 --> 00:26:54.221
Cause you're not losing interest.

00:26:54.221 --> 00:26:55.270
You care about the things that

00:26:55.270 --> 00:26:55.721
I care about.

00:26:55.721 --> 00:26:56.050
I'm effort.

00:26:56.111 --> 00:26:58.540
I do care about the things that, no, no.

00:26:58.546 --> 00:27:02.711
Do I wanna spend five hours of my Saturday in a music store looking at guitars?

00:27:02.830 --> 00:27:03.401
No.

00:27:03.881 --> 00:27:04.451
Have I.

00:27:05.810 --> 00:27:07.611
because it matters to you.

00:27:07.881 --> 00:27:08.510
Oh, yeah.

00:27:08.631 --> 00:27:09.411
And, and, right.

00:27:09.681 --> 00:27:11.351
Those are your interests.

00:27:12.530 --> 00:27:16.223
And we've, we've established a compromise in that way.

00:27:16.223 --> 00:27:24.848
It's not only about you going and doing everything I wanna do, there is a compromise where sometimes, For the greater mint.

00:27:25.419 --> 00:27:27.669
Greater mint, I don't know, greater betterment, I don't know.

00:27:27.669 --> 00:27:28.088
Whatever

00:27:29.919 --> 00:27:32.499
the greater, see, this is where she makes up words greater

00:27:32.499 --> 00:27:35.378
mint, the greater min of our relationship.

00:27:36.128 --> 00:27:41.378
For me to just be like, is it the end of the world for me to spend maybe not five hours?

00:27:41.378 --> 00:27:43.088
Can we do like 30 minutes?

00:27:43.118 --> 00:27:44.409
Guess what we're doing this afternoon?

00:27:44.588 --> 00:27:45.009
Right.

00:27:46.854 --> 00:27:47.993
Notice I didn't answer.

00:27:48.098 --> 00:27:49.818
That was, that was well done, well done.

00:27:50.229 --> 00:27:52.028
Of compromising on a timeline.

00:27:52.088 --> 00:27:52.328
Right.

00:27:52.328 --> 00:27:56.318
Hey, I can't commit to five hours in here, but I will, I'm willing to give you 30 minutes.

00:27:56.469 --> 00:28:02.588
So the, the not talking and communicating less can indicate that you have, you're losing an interest.

00:28:02.588 --> 00:28:04.179
So those are two points that we want to get to today.

00:28:04.378 --> 00:28:13.479
You're losing interest and the way, Natalie, if I was to ask you, how, how do we, what are tools that we can use to make this better?

00:28:13.808 --> 00:28:14.739
Like how, how do.

00:28:15.443 --> 00:28:17.334
For like, not losing interest.

00:28:17.334 --> 00:28:25.463
Well, not losing interest, but talking if you're already in a, in a, if you're already in a holding pattern of we're not, we're not improving the relationship and we're not really communicating with each other already.

00:28:25.703 --> 00:28:26.334
How do we get better?

00:28:26.963 --> 00:28:28.374
I can, I, can I say the first one?

00:28:28.374 --> 00:28:28.463
Sure.

00:28:28.523 --> 00:28:33.983
You have to eat your pride and just be the first one to text and just make a habit Yes.

00:28:34.344 --> 00:28:37.284
Of communicating and if change, change your narrative.

00:28:37.763 --> 00:28:38.364
Yes.

00:28:38.368 --> 00:28:39.503
You don't, you don't like where it is.

00:28:39.503 --> 00:28:41.243
You don't like what you're, you're reaping.

00:28:41.249 --> 00:28:42.804
You have to change what you're sewing

00:28:42.983 --> 00:28:43.824
maybe.

00:28:44.919 --> 00:28:55.808
and I've had to do this and this is when you're trying to make a better way and trying to forge a different narrative.

00:28:55.868 --> 00:29:01.749
Sometimes it's really painful and for you to say, Hey, I love, can we talk?

00:29:01.838 --> 00:29:12.219
Like I love to have like a meeting, but wouldn't it be such a surprise to your partner if you led with, this is something about me that I really don't like.

00:29:12.683 --> 00:29:19.733
And I am sorry that I've placed X, Y, and Z expectations on you, right?

00:29:19.733 --> 00:29:25.624
If you led a conversation, trust me, you will be surprised at how that is.

00:29:25.644 --> 00:29:27.775
Received, reciprocated and received.

00:29:27.835 --> 00:29:27.894
Yeah.

00:29:27.924 --> 00:29:29.605
Where you're not coming in the thing going.

00:29:29.605 --> 00:29:32.278
You, you, you are doing this and I don't like it.

00:29:32.337 --> 00:29:32.637
No.

00:29:32.637 --> 00:29:41.029
How about I have noticed about myself or I've been thinking about it and I really I've kind of dropped the ball in this area and I'm sorry.

00:29:41.210 --> 00:29:41.299
Mm-hmm.

00:29:41.720 --> 00:29:45.220
can we like, work together to find that's solution that's, yeah.

00:29:45.291 --> 00:29:45.862
Start.

00:29:46.642 --> 00:29:47.301
Absolutely.

00:29:47.961 --> 00:29:49.162
That's a really good one to start with.

00:29:49.162 --> 00:29:55.311
So the two things that we talked about today, if you're noticing in yourself or your partner, are you talking less and less?

00:29:55.311 --> 00:29:57.172
You're not communicating the way you used to.

00:29:57.261 --> 00:29:57.682
That's right.

00:29:57.801 --> 00:30:04.372
And it's been a pattern, not just like, Hey, I missed a couple days cause I worked long hours, or things were going on, or the kids were busy, had to go from place to place.

00:30:04.376 --> 00:30:08.602
Talking like, your pattern is, you guys just don't communicate issues whenever you're alone.

00:30:08.602 --> 00:30:09.892
You're just talking about your nothing.

00:30:10.352 --> 00:30:11.162
That kind of thing.

00:30:11.162 --> 00:30:13.172
And then the other one was, are you losing interest in each other?

00:30:13.172 --> 00:30:14.582
And one can lead to the other.

00:30:14.632 --> 00:30:15.031
That's

00:30:15.031 --> 00:30:15.152
right.

00:30:15.152 --> 00:30:18.031
And like, and it's not just like, this is the number one, this is the number two.

00:30:18.031 --> 00:30:19.321
No, they're all interchangeable.

00:30:19.321 --> 00:30:19.412
Yeah.

00:30:19.412 --> 00:30:19.652
These

00:30:19.652 --> 00:30:22.561
are all, and the next ones that we have coming up next week are really, really great.

00:30:22.771 --> 00:30:25.862
And they all work together on, in this particular issue.

00:30:25.862 --> 00:30:28.520
And so, hey, we really appreciate you.

00:30:28.542 --> 00:30:38.442
Hanging with us, like I said, and if you didn't have a chance, we did a We Are Back, short little episode just to let you know what our plans are for the future, where we've been for the last little while.

00:30:38.442 --> 00:30:40.123
So we know that you love the podcast.

00:30:40.123 --> 00:30:42.222
We appreciate you loving the podcast.

00:30:42.228 --> 00:30:43.032
We love you guys.

00:30:43.333 --> 00:30:46.212
So if it means does mean a lot when you share it with your friends.

00:30:46.212 --> 00:30:50.682
You let people know that we have a podcast and we hope that you're finding value in this.

00:30:50.682 --> 00:30:51.492
That's the greatest thing.

00:30:52.288 --> 00:30:52.557
Is it?

00:30:52.557 --> 00:30:55.827
If you find value and it makes your marriage better, that's what we want.

00:30:56.127 --> 00:30:56.428
Absolutely.

00:30:56.428 --> 00:30:58.917
So you can follow us on Instagram and on Facebook.

00:30:58.917 --> 00:31:12.238
If you have any questions or you have an idea or you just straight up disagree with what we have here, we'd love to have a conversation, a discourse, and maybe if that's something that you disagree with and you wanna bring a different perspective, we'd love to maybe even have you on the podcast.

00:31:12.298 --> 00:31:12.387
Mm-hmm.

00:31:12.657 --> 00:31:19.948
But you can email us@amplifiedmarriagegmail.com or you can DM us on Instagram and Facebook and you hear us.

00:31:20.938 --> 00:31:26.907
Every single time, and we believe this with every fiber of our being because it's been true for us.

00:31:26.907 --> 00:31:30.778
We believe that your marriage can be reset, refreshed, recharged, and restored.

00:31:31.048 --> 00:31:31.258
Thanks

00:31:31.258 --> 00:31:31.978
so much for listening.

00:31:31.978 --> 00:31:32.788
Talk to you soon.