Season 3 Ep. 2 // Let's talk Expectations vs Reality.

Season 3 Ep. 2 // Let's talk Expectations vs Reality.

[00:00:00] Welcome to season three, episode two of the amplified marriage podcast. Let's talk about some expectations.

[00:00:09] welcome to another episode of amplified marriage. I'm Natalie . This every time, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, as you've heard us say numerous times, get comfy. Get cozy. Gravity grab a coffee and a snack. We're so glad you joined us for our chat today. Today is Valentine's day. They have this release of this podcast is Valentine's day.

[00:00:32] So. We thought it would be prudent or unnecessary to talk about expectations because leading up to Valentine's day, maybe there was some uncommunicated expectations and hopefully all went well for your Valentine's day. But if it didn't hear some things that we want to share with you, that means.

[00:00:55] Afterwards or in the future for your next Valentine's day or your [00:01:00] next birthday or the next Christmas day would possibly give you a leg up into doing this that's right. So I don't know. Maybe we just kind of open up with talking about what is Valentine's day look like for us. Now this might surprise a lot of you.

[00:01:19] Brian, and I really don't make a huge deal about Valentine's day. We never really have. We never have. We did when we were not even, we did not. When we were dating, oh my B back then. It's not to say that it's not important, but our philosophy, I guess, on Valentine's day is a, why would we just wait for one day?

[00:01:40] To show each other that we love each other, or that we appreciate each other for what each other does. Why would we save that all year long and just bring that out on, on that day. And that's not to say that that's not important. Right, but for us, it, it's not been a huge make it or break it as far as [00:02:00] we're concerned now that we have a daughter I mean, you always bring me Sterling roses.

[00:02:06] It was our wedding flower. They are lavender purple roses that are thornless. So now that we have a daughter, you bring us each one of those, because they're not cheap, but as far as like going out for dinner and all these box of chocolates, I'm more of an Easter chocolate fan. So. I could do without the Valentine's day chocolate.

[00:02:25] Right. Well, and I think hopefully in your relationship, if you're listening to this today, you didn't wait until Valentine's day. Just show you. Significant other that you cared for them, that there was other days that, and you know, the longer that we get married, it's funny because we're when you're dating for a long time, especially everything is, is, is generally this large grand gesture.

[00:02:52] And we're going to do a nice dinner or we're going to go for a long walk and there's fireworks and whatever that special moment for you. It's different [00:03:00] now when I come home from work and I bring her a coffee from Tim Horton's, that's like the greatest bit of foreplay that we could possibly have.

[00:03:06] Absolutely. And you know what. We didn't have a lot of money. Right. So going out for big extravagant dinners was just not an option. Right. And also some of the biggest and best dates that we've ever had, where when we couldn't afford it, we did the McDonald's date. You've heard us talk about that before coffee and an ice cream cone.

[00:03:24] And just walk around Walmart and then go for a walk around the park. But Valentine's day is an opportunity for you to, to sh to share with your loved one, that, that special moment. And we want to do, we want to talk about expectations because they're super important when it comes to like, there's something like, Valentine's something like Valentine's baby, but birthdays or Christmas gifts.

[00:03:43] Like, I, I don't remember for you. For Christmas, cause you're born on Christmas. Yep. And so it's double duty, double gifts. Right. So right. And I did not always understand that or understand the expectation and the expectation now I know is that you want a card on your [00:04:00] birthday specifically from me, not one that has the kids named in it or that we made together.

[00:04:04] It's specifically for me. That's right with some lovely, fancy, lovely language words in there. I want our love and it's getting better. Not a very birthday. Happy Christmas, not like a Christmas Eve, right? I want an actual birthday cards. Yeah. That to me is super important, but there is very many years where you didn't get that card and you thought that I knew about it.

[00:04:28] And then when you said, Hey, I want a car for her birthday. I'm like, you've, you've missed a whole bunch. I'm like, I didn't know. That was a. And this, it was, it was a missed opportunity because we realized that we had you hadn't communicated that expectation to me. No. And here's a tip for all you guys that are watching if you want or listening.

[00:04:47] If you want to be a superstar, listened to your wife and the subtle cues and the things that she wants that she says, and oftentimes. At well, in my case, Natalie, isn't a inexpensive [00:05:00] person. If I was to go to winners and buy her a Ray done mug, man, I'm like, I got points for days. That's right, right. And then we say this not to diminish those that go all out.

[00:05:11] I mean, we have gone all out all the time and it's great, but it's not, that's like the exception. It's not the norm for us to be super extravagant on Valentine. It's sure lovely when it happens. Yeah. And if that's your, go-to where it's extravagant every Valentine's day, all the power to wonderful. This should just take the pressure off of those that are trying to keep up with the Joneses.

[00:05:34] You don't have to have. You know, a five course dinner at an expensive restaurant and you know, the most expensive box of chocolates and this, that, and the other to make it meaningful. For sure. Absolutely. And so one of our w we thought this would be a good opportunity for you if you've not heard our very first.

[00:05:53] Pod. Our very first episode of the podcast was actually about expectations. It's one of our most listened to [00:06:00] not because it's our first one and we've done 40 episodes since then. It's because it actually is the one that we get the most questions about the, we, we talked to about the most, the one that we actually have given to couples as we've done coaching, we're like, Hey, this is where we stand on this particular communication issue.

[00:06:15] You need to go on surprise. Recommend, we'll put it into the show notes. You can click the link and it'll take you right there to it, but it is a really good episode. So we just want to recap the very first couple there's four things that we, that need to be communicated before we move into some things that you can do daily that actually aid in these four, but also in making the marriage.

[00:06:37] Better a little more, better, like a little better, right? Because it's more reasonable expectations, not so generalized. Right? Absolutely. So the very first one is. That's all me. I, it is being known. You need to communicate the expectation and it has to be known. You have to identify what it is, the unspoken ones, the ones that you think that you have [00:07:00] told them or communicated in the past.

[00:07:02] Sometimes we heard a comedian, Michael Gungar say him and his wife, when they were communicating, sometimes he'd be in a completely different room. And she'd be talking about the things, thinking that he was close by or could hear. And he would say to her, I'm three rooms away from you. And you're talking with the washer on there's music playing in the kitchen.

[00:07:19] And he wanted me to hear, I didn't know what you were saying. So it needs to be, look for the person in the eyes and say, we actually have come to this place. We're not, we'll be like, Hey, almost repeat after me. She doesn't say that, but she's like, look, this is a communicating thing. I need this to be done like this, or needs this to be done.

[00:07:35] Can you? Yeah, I sure can. But it has to be known. Exactly. And if you are at a place in your relationship where you really can't pinpoint what that is, then it might. Time to really dig deep, right. What it is. Do I even know what my expectation is? Right. And so communicating the, the expectation is known that's right next.

[00:07:58] It has to be achievable.[00:08:00] It has to be realistic, not basing it on something you saw on TV. I'm so guilty of doing this early on with all the wrong. And the not so achievable expectations when I was watching the Housewives of orange county, but it needs to be something that one that I can even achieve for myself.

[00:08:21] We're talking about achievable expectations, not just for our spouse, but for ourselves, because oftentimes in my experience, the expectations that I place on myself, I then project onto you. Right. So I remember. And we had talked about this in previous podcasts where I made a list of all my expectations was like this long or whatever.

[00:08:43] I really had to look up like half of these things where I can't even achieve. Why am I so fixated on you trying to achieve these things? Nearly impossible for myself to even achieve these. So super important that your expectations are. [00:09:00] So the first one is known. The second one is achievable. The next one that we had in the very first episode I suggest to go, listen, is it's communicated.

[00:09:09] You need to actually communicate the actual expectation, the unmet expectation, the uncommunicated and an unmet expectation is an uncommunicated expectation. If you two love each other, you will find a way to make, to do your best to make those things work. If you, and being married as being less selfish.

[00:09:28] And so you really are thinking of the other person. So when you know what it is, it's actually something you can reach into and you've communicated it. You can actually make it happen and you have to. Because or of how you're articulating that to your partner, because there have been many a time where the expectation, my expectation was like just completely foil and I was so mad and then I responded in.

[00:09:58] To explain to you [00:10:00] that my expectation hadn't been met or not in those words, but like how could you not have known right now? Yes. Right. So taking a step back like this, these are tools to help alleviate some stress intention while not like not waiting for it to get to that point. So you can know what they are.

[00:10:20] Communicate that when you're not upset or when they haven't been met. Right. I think you're just setting yourself up for like less arguments. Yeah. If you're going to be getting these steps through. So the first one was known, achievable communicated and agreed upon. So setting expectations, a lot of people are like, oh, that's kind of like kind of ball and chaining it or whatever term you might want, but.

[00:10:45] There are so important because it helps to avoid resentment. So if I continually have a hard time or I'm afraid to voice what the expectation is, because like, what's the point, [00:11:00] he's not going to do it anywhere. What's the point. She's not going to do it after a while. You know, you can claim that that, that won't affect you, but it's going to affect you.

[00:11:10] And you're going to start seeding at some point. And it could be the littlest tiniest thing that could've been so silly for you just to communicate that blows up into something catastrophic. Right? So setting expectations really helps to avoid resentment is something that also takes W helps to not compound the issues.

[00:11:32] Yeah. Because you're communicating about it and it's open and out there and you're not letting it fester. Now there was something that I read and it says simply miscommunications can create significant barriers in Americans and often share a common source. It's unmet. Like I said, an unmet expectation.

[00:11:49] Oftentimes in America is an uncommunicated expectation. Right? And so if you're not communicating about it, then there's nothing you can do about it. Now, what, as we move on here, these are the few things [00:12:00] that there's some things that there's expectations you may have in your heart that you're, you're going to have to reconcile yourself with because they are not helpful to your relationship.

[00:12:09] If you believe these, these following things as we step into them. All right. And so if you have to be able to be an individual and a married person, Yeah. So early on in relationships, oftentimes we pattern certain things because we feel, or we know, are we don't, we was it Craig, Rochelle always says, you don't know what you don't know.

[00:12:29] So once you learn something and you knew, you know, a different way to communicate. So once. Expectation that you've given me is not communicated. It's up to me to take deck that, that new thing, that new thing that I've learned about you and actually execute that. So it's effective in a relationship so I can no longer claim.

[00:12:48] Oh, I didn't know, because that is such it. As sad as that is as an excuse, it's actually true. In some cases you just don't know different. You didn't learn differently. You didn't know how it was going to work. And so here's just a [00:13:00] few things that actually can put a pin in growth in your relationship if you feel, or these are key things that may stop you from stepping forward.

[00:13:09] And these things are like your, so your spouse, unreasonable expectations that sometimes people have them on there. Your spouse should fulfill your, every need. You complete me. I'm sure you've all heard that, right? Oh, is that from that? No, that's from that. And I mean, when you're watching it and you're caught up in the moment, you're like EES until reality smacks you in the face, right?

[00:13:33] You just not possible. Yeah, absolutely. Your spouse should never, ever serve as your primary source of happiness. Well, these are the unrealistic unrealistic you're telling yourself they should serve. Yeah, that's right. Primary source of your happiness. The way I worded that was funny, but they cannot. Be your primary source because they will let you down as we're Christians.

[00:13:56] And we believe that it's our relationship with God first, then our [00:14:00] relationship with each other, because in a healthy relationship with God, that's communicated where I feel hope and I feel God's love. And I'm able to have the strength to do, to be the husband that I need to be. Sometimes I'm good at other times, not so much.

[00:14:15] But when I have a good relationship with God, that means that my source of happiness and it brings us closer, but my happiness and my joy isn't coming from someone who will let me down. That's just a fact of life. People will let you down. Right. And the other thing is, if your expectation is that your spouse won't let you down.

[00:14:34] That's a tough road to hoe. Exactly. Because it's just a matter of time. Yeah. It's just a matter of time before they do. Right. It's not a, it's not a, if it happens, it's a, when it happens. So let's, let's try to set tools in place and patterns in place that will help alleviate some of the stress and the pressure for sure.

[00:14:52] And so what's the next one? Your spouse should mirror. What is important to you now? We're not talking about mirroring [00:15:00] in conversation. That's actually really helped. Yeah, that is that's good communication. Yeah. What we're talking about is that if I'm, if my interest is this, that, and the other, then.

[00:15:11] Then you should be a hundred percent invested. Let's use your Rae Dunn mugs for an example. Oh Lord. For those of you who are also Ray down enthusiastic, you know what I'm talking about? So, so much so that she loves these mugs. I love them. How feeding it's Valentine's day. I love these machines and we have had to clean out our cupboard of regular mugs that.

[00:15:38] Some of them for 15 years to make space for the radon mugs, because these other ones that we have are seasonal. So she has fall ones and Christmas ones. And what are the lots of money? There's probably 35 mugs that so. When we're seeing mirror her love [00:16:00] for a Reed mugs. I don't share her love for Ray to do you know what?

[00:16:06] She doesn't share a love of something that I love the music store, the music store or electronics she hates when she has to come shop with me now, he just doesn't really care for the electronics that I love or me and my one son will go into the store into the electronic store because we just love it.

[00:16:24] Like my oldest, we just love. Yeah. And he was like, Hey, let's go to best buy and just look at stuff in the gear. And then my other son, I just love going to the music store with him. I can't do with Natalie because she hates it. We don't mirror what each other. We can't, if you're trying to manufacture a like a.

[00:16:40] A feeling about a thing that they love, just because you think that that's gonna, it doesn't, it's okay to have different interests. Absolutely. What I have to do. And I is sometimes pretend that I like these things. Not pretend cause no, I don't think it's a matter of pretending. I think it's. Because I enjoy your compass, right?

[00:16:59] [00:17:00] I will go with you. There are times where I will sacrifice my own happiness to go into an electronics store. Cause I want to spend time with you. Not because. Hey now, unless it's for me, I don't care what anyone else. When I go to the store, I just want to show up for me and get out of them. Fighting words, frightened words.

[00:17:23] But here's the thing. I'm not a fan of best buy and, and because the missed the majority. I'm not interested in how however there are appliances. There are house-y kinds of things there. And so I can find something to do while you're looking at electronics, because I want to be with you. So though I don't share the same affection for electronics.

[00:17:50] I can still support your fanaticism for electronics. I resent the fact that you call that fanaticism. [00:18:00] You come to winners under the illusion that we're stopping for you, but yeah, you're like, Hey, let's go. Yeah. Not moving on. I think everyone needs to hear this. We go into the store with the intention to here.

[00:18:13] I need new jeans because I ripped the other ones and you're like, oh yeah, I'll help you shop and get in there. And immediately as we walk through the door, she goes left. I go right. Wondering where she went. I thought she was behind me. She was. That's right. That's the truth, right? So you're not trying to be a cookie cutter copy of your spouse.

[00:18:30] Right. But you want to share in their interests, those are two different things, right though, you don't, you're not a collector. As I think that I am, you are a collector of other things. And then, so we don't marry each other as far as that goes, but I can appreciate. Yeah, absolutely. You're doing that. Right.

[00:18:54] The other thing that is unhealthy or is not going to help here is if you believe that [00:19:00] your suppose should always are, you should always be the center of attention for your spouse. That leads to obsession and strangeness. Okay. And codependency, you want to be dependent. See, here's something that we learned actually from a marriage training that we took is that if she dies, I can live without her, but I don't want to.

[00:19:20] Right. I love having her here. I can be, I can fully function. I can make my own decisions. I can even bank on my own and do banking and groceries and laundry. I know how to do all those things. I don't want to live without her, but I can. Right. And so she's not the. Everything that I do. It sounds weird to say it like that.

[00:19:40] No, but it's true. You, you need friends, you need other couples to surround you. Right. We've had numerous podcasts where it's like, you need to be cautious and careful who you, who you bring into your circle. Right. But you do need like, Other men in your [00:20:00] life to kind of sharpen you and challenge you. And I need other women in my life to challenge me and sharpen me.

[00:20:06] Right. So you can't be, although we love spending time with each other during this pandemic, I have a lot. Having you around more, I mean, you're around a lot, but like more so with you working at home and stuff like that, I've loved that. That's not everyone else's experience. Right. But we still have our own separate outlets.

[00:20:28] Yeah, for sure. Right. And finally, the excitement and the passion should continue as it was early in your relationship. And so this, this is, wouldn't this be ideal. That, that same passion when you were dating and when like the pursuit was on. And it was exciting that that should never go away. Except the reality is that you have to work on that stuff.

[00:20:54] And there are different phases and seasons in your life and marriage and loss and [00:21:00] death and grief and financial there's, you know, the list goes on and on and on. The idea is to have that carry you through and to have that same pursuit or whatever. Sometimes it's not realistic. Sometimes you got to really fight for it.

[00:21:20] You have to get up out of bed in the morning and be like today, I'm choosing to love my spouse. I don't like him right now because you know, We have no food in the fridge or whatever the situation we'd like, they lost their job. We lost a child and fill the car with gas, fill up the carpet staff to a Ray done mug.

[00:21:35] He said no to her Rae Dunn mug. And he has ever said, no, you don't tell me until three days after the empty or the toilet seats up for those who have been with us for awhile. Right. This can be a really. Slippery slope of an unmet expectation that this is not how it's supposed to be. And on one hand, it's not how it's supposed to be.

[00:21:58] Right. We should [00:22:00] be pursuing each other, never stopped dating your spouse. If this is the first time that you're listening to this podcast, never stop dating your spouse. Pursue that with that same passion. And so here's, here's some extra things we want to give you in this one going forward,

[00:22:16] we're going to end on a high. So as the relationship changes and it will and the spark will need to be stoked and it'll need to be. There are some things here that are just reasonable things that you should execute or execute on right. In the middle of learning, how to be a systems type guy. So I just keep using this word.

[00:22:35] That's like execute is like it's clinical, but it's you want your spouse to know, or your partner to be know that you're 100 committed to the marriage. Like maybe you need to reaffirm. Your commitment to the marriage, that if you haven't, you know, it's not like, oh, you know that saying where it's. I said, I loved her on our wedding day.

[00:22:55] And if it changes, I'll let her know. It's not one of those things. Like you really [00:23:00] need to be in constant communication. Like, I am so glad that I chose you. Have we had struggles? Yes. Have we gone through lots of ups and downs? Yes, but I would not change it for anyone else. Right, right. Absolutely reaffirming your commitment in the mirror.

[00:23:14] So we kind of just, we touched on the first two that we saw, there was commitment, be committed in the relationship, and that means giving a hundred percent, all the time, a hundred, you can't give 110, but give a hundred percent. Each person gives a. Each person, each person gives a hundred percent and then that we wrapped up Virgil, verbal, verbal, verbal affection into it.

[00:23:35] Absolutely keep, keep letting each other, know how you feel and then compassion and being compassionate about the other others, feelings and empathy towards the other feelings. You do that very well. I suck or I'm better. I'm better now. I'm, you know, I'm probably at the best I've ever been in that area, but it's been a lot of work because my personality eight is I don't let feelings [00:24:00] interfere.

[00:24:00] Right. Maybe that's too harsh. No, no, I don't let feelings interfere. I think that they're there for a reason. You're great at com compartmentalize. I compartmentalize. Yeah. I deal with the car compartmentalizing now, like I used to just compartmentalize and walk away, but now I'm dealing with it. But and then you're very opposite.

[00:24:19] You actually feel things in there. Like, I feel things too it's is different, but it's compassionate and empathy, and you're really good that towards me and even feeling it towards other people, you feel all those things and you're very good at processing and working your way through it. And that's been a super help for me because.

[00:24:33] Even now sometimes I find emotions or feelings just to paint in my neck sometimes. Yep. Right. And so, and it's important too, because this can also fall into an unmet expectation because there've been times where I have just an, I go down the rabbit hole of feelings and emotions. And how could somebody, you know, empathy is.

[00:24:54] Putting yourself in someone else's shoes. So how could, you know, I would never treat [00:25:00] someone like that. How could they possibly treat me like that? Except maybe it's not even a matter of a lack of empathy on their part. Maybe it's a matter of, I didn't express my expectation in this particular situation.

[00:25:12] Right. So something just to be mindful of, and if you're wanting to even. Exercise, compassion and empathy. You really need to have respect for each other. And that goes a long ways. And then each other's different. I love, I love that we are not on the anagram. I I'm a six urinate, right? We're not the same.

[00:25:34] Your strengths are not areas in my personality or in my life that are strengths. Right. And so you are really what's the word? Eh, like you draw that out of me. There's a word that I'm looking for. It's just not here, but you are, it's essential that you draw those out of me in the areas that. Strong [00:26:00] are lacks for you.

[00:26:02] And so right. We balance each other out that way. And that's so important. Absolutely. The next one is spending quality time with each other. Yeah. This one yet. We're for the first time ever worse, the same on the, the love languages, quality time, except our idea of quality. Different, but still we share the same goal of it doesn't really matter what we're doing as long as we're together.

[00:26:25] Yeah, absolutely. We like that showing interest in each other. And what is each involved with, and we talked about that a little earlier. Yeah, we did. And it's, it's the mirroring thing is that you have to like what I like you don't, but even showing an interest in something like, Hey, I'm learning how to do this.

[00:26:39] And you're like, oh, that's cool. And being engaged in that, that that's a good thing. There are times where. I have to be honest and say like, this is just over my head right now. And I honestly don't care. Right. And there's nothing wrong with that, but not just like being irritated, if you're trying to show me something right.

[00:26:59] And [00:27:00] I contend to be irritate, especially if it's electronics, but I appreciate that you make all of this podcasting equipment work because I wouldn't know what to do. So I am grateful for that. Well, I'm glad. Oh, the next one is physical closeness. That doesn't just mean sex, although it's part of it. Well, here's, here's the, the thing that I think we've learned now, that being married for a while, that the physical closeness, the hugging, the cuddling, the touching, the hand, holding the arm around the shoulders, all of that is.

[00:27:31] Incredibly valuable for intimacy and vital. Like you need, it's not just you showing up after a day and being like, Kay, baby, let's go. It's not like that might, if that works for you. Great. That doesn't work all the time. And it won't all the time. I don't know anyone that can just do that, all that, that that's the way it can be all.

[00:27:53] Maybe there's people out there, but I'm not one for. I'm not super affectionate. Again, that goes a lot with my [00:28:00] buy. I'm kind of not prickly, but I'm just not, I don't need a good word. I'm prickly choosy. I'm choosy, right? I'm not very huggy. I will with family and certain people and you know, I'm a, I'm a pastor.

[00:28:13] And so I've had to learn how to get over that because people like to hug. It's a weird thing, but you are not prickly with me. No, I'm not prickly with you. Even cause there's been times there's. I remember like we've talked about in the podcast before there's 18 months where she was pregnant. And then in between times she was healing,

[00:28:30] but it was like pregnant baby. And then pregnant, like not even less than a year later. And then in between there was healing and all that kind of stuff. And so there was a lot of non there's a lot of times where there's just no sex. Just at all, but what there was was they're still hugging and cuddling and we sat in the couch and we went for walks and we held hands.

[00:28:47] That is still incredibly important to intimacy for you guys out there. Not everything has to lead towards sex. Right. Is hard as that to understand it. Doesn't have to lead towards six. It's fun when it [00:29:00] does. I'm just saying it doesn't have to leave that towards that. I completely agree. Generosity through spirit and actions.

[00:29:06] It's kind of one of the things that we're and we've been kind of walking through is just what does living a life of generosity look like, right. And God calls us to be generous. And so we're, we have not arrived. We're still trying to work this out, but I love that idea of, and marriage of giving all I have.

[00:29:25] Right for this person. Absolutely. And this one was an interesting chat beforehand, just letting, letting each other know that there's other people in our lives that are important to us as well. Right. It's not like, I mean, if there's toxic people then get rid of them, but I'm talking about people who are cheering you on.

[00:29:44] I mean, we've got lots of couple friends. Yeah. And it's so necessary and we value them and the Sonita because they each bring a different. Of fun, a different element of creativity. Laughter it just, they all have a different flavor. And so it's [00:30:00] super important. That that's cultivated. Yeah. It's not just you when I, and that's it, then the kids and that's it so boring.

[00:30:10] Right. And going along with spending time together, even the one that was a little bit harder is making time and actually creating that opportunity to have fun and laugh. We are busy. Some of our our fondest memories in the last three years has been our dumb hiking trips. I create the opportunity, creates the atmosphere for adventure well, and the pain and suffering and the tired and the, I pulled a muscle and it's hot and I didn't drink enough water and I can't stand what we just did.

[00:30:42] And I hate you. And I mean, I smile for the pictures. The pictures tell a different story of what actually happened. Conquered the picture. Say one thing, if you ever asked Natalie, if you ever get a tense and do you ever meet her, ask her about spying and cop. We'll just stop [00:31:00] right there. And that's all you need to know, but there's a lot of opportunities create that you got to make space and time to go out there and have fun and do things.

[00:31:08] And open communication. We cannot say this enough, you have to be willing to go to the places that are uncomfortable so that it's kind of all laid out on the table. Great. And something that I don't always do really well is talk about the future. Like, what do you want to do for the future? And Natalie's always dragging that.

[00:31:26] I mean, what do you want for the future? What's what's next? What do you want in a house? What do you want? And you know, what do you want to do? The kids were Disney. And how are we planning for this? And just what's the, the, the dream that you want to do. I'm not really good at that. It's not that I don't think about it, but I don't verbalize it as easily.

[00:31:43] Often, like we're in the present right now. So let's just focus on the present, very present driven. And I, I am, I realize that we're in the present, but it's so much more fun to think down the road. And my, my thought is I'm working in the present to make your [00:32:00] future. That's right, but you need to ask about that.

[00:32:04] Did you get out of the wise? That was, it was very wise. I didn't actually listen. I don't know. Wow. Open communication. Remember, we're talking about fabric. I need to tell you openly you're bad at listening. Probably. Any final thoughts when he got, well, I don't think that there's, I mean, obviously there's a right and a wrong way to what?

[00:32:27] To just communicate expectations. I think taking some of the pressure off, right. What we'll go, we'll go to someone that we learned. We actually did this course with Laugh your way to a better, better marriage laugh your way to a better marriage with Michael Gungar. We've referenced him. We recommend that for anyone that wants to listen, but he always said to the guys very specifically be nice to the girl.

[00:32:50] That's not because it just leads to sex, but be nice to the girl. There's a biblical principle in being kind, being patient, being loving, being [00:33:00] caring, being tender with your wife and being nice to the girl you get. Was it you saying, you said you get more. You trapped more flies with honey. I love that, right?

[00:33:11] Like we're going to, you're going to get things go much further than they do. If you're cranky. And that's both ways, right? That's not just for the men, but it's also for the women, like be nice to your man don't demean and be little that don't crush, who God's made them to be because they happen to fail you in a moment.

[00:33:34] Absolutely. And people will fail. Absolutely. Right. So as we move and. It's Valentine's day. We just hope that this wasn't such a downer, but that this kind of actually gives you something to talk about maybe. Absolutely. And, and, or, or whenever you happen to listen to this, that you just, you openly communicate the things that you need to with your partner, so that there's [00:34:00] nothing that can be left unsaid that can honestly just get you into trouble unnecessarily.

[00:34:05] Use this as an opportunity to go, like further that passion of, of deeply getting to know your significant other. Absolutely. And here is the end. If you like this podcast and you just love it, we really appreciate it that you. The LA people know about the amplified marriage podcast. You can follow us on Instagram and on Facebook and soon to be hopefully on YouTube.

[00:34:30] And if you have a topic or any question or discussion, or just want clarity, or just want to chat, you can please email us@amplifiedmarriageatgmail.com. And as you've heard us say many times before we believe this year that your marriage can be reset, recharged. Thanks so much for listening. Talk to you soon. .